Mirror, mirror on the Wall

Mirror, mirror on the wall... Who am I?

Thursday, 30 July 2015

Memoirs of a Bridezilla: Here comes the Pride

 To Be frank, I never thought I would get married so soon, At a time I had a bit of a complex, I never thought I was pretty enough to lock down a guy but after I dated my boo for a year and saw this rock solid massive diamond on my finger I realised that beauty is only skin deep.
I had loads of model looking friends (so you can guess where the insecurity came from) who always
got noticed and toasted everywhere we went, I was usually the lets- talk- to –her- to -get -to her- friend girl so you can imagine the surprise from most of my friends when they heard I was dating and now engaged. I got nice texts from everyone and because of how happy they made me feel I decided to have an engagement party, it went on very well but I noticed I spent most of the time as a mannequin stretching out my (aching) finger as the girls admired my ring. I liked the attention for a bit but I got quite tired as all what they talked about was how large the diamond was, they barely even asked me how he proposed.
Wedding plans began swiftly, after the turnout of the engagement party and the numerous texts I got, I realised that my bridal train could not comprise of only 6 people so I decided to have 12 bridesmaids (the more the merrier!) I chose a childhood friend as my maid of honour and I had no flower girls (mum said e don do). My fiancé didn’t mind and set out to find his matching 12 groomsmen hoping they would step up to the gorgeous ladies I had on my train. 
Hmm, aso ebi… this was very hard to decide as all my friends had their own ideas and colours. I didn’t have a clue about how it was done so I left it for them to decide, after much arguments and rolling of eyes we all agreed on baby pink and grey. After that was settled, One of my friends took me to a lady who sold really lovely material, She charged 25k for 3 yards and since I didn’t know how the aso ebi p works I asked my friend what she thought and she said it was ok. Although I thought it was quite expensive I ordered it, I guess I wanted my girls to look beautiful and as my friend said, they would buy it as long as it’s me. Of course aso ebi for my mum was off my hands amongst other things. She sorted hall, décor, food, photography and videography. My mum is sort of an event planner so I didn’t need to get one and I know she has good taste so I didn’t worry one bit. My father-in-law to be was the most active from my fiance’s side, he footed the bill for many things and made sure he had something to do. He sorted out music, entertainment and refreshments. For a while I was concerned about my mother-in-law to be’s attitude towards the wedding because she did not do much, one day I nicely approached her about it telling her I would love her input in everything. I’m happy I did that because she hugged me and explained that she had been a bit controlling in the past weddings of her other children that she did not want to offend me like she did the others. I explained to her that I wouldn’t mind (hoping she won’t overdo it) as long as she was part of the preparations and from then on she became quite active and careful, sometimes even calling me to ask for approval for certain things, it was a nice feeling also because everyone was more or less on the same page and I didn’t have to worry much.
1 month to wedding day and only 3 people had bought aso ebi. This was very discouraging because I had ordered 30, (do the math). For the traditional wedding all my bridesmaids were meant to wear it while for the white my other friends were meant to wear it. No bridesmaid had bought except my maid of honour, even the one who took me to the lady had not bought. I had sent broadcast messages like twice already so I didn’t want it to be as if I was pestering anyone.
Hmm, that’s how I just accidentally went for one party one day o, I made friends with a group of girls and we got talking about marriage, aso ebi gist came up and they started talking prices. One asked where to get at an affordable price, I then told her about where I ordered mine. “ha! That expensive woman!” the other said “never buy from her o! she’s for senators and money miss road people” I felt her comment was a bit off and tried to justify myself by telling her that the lady’s  material was good. Another girl who knew the same woman explained to me that I would see her material in Balogun market for a cheaper price. What pained me was when she was like “ don’t make your aso ebi too expensive so that your friends can afford it. A friend of mine was telling me that one girl is doing wedding and she is selling aso ebi 3 yards for 25k! omo all her friends agreed they were not going to buy!” kai! Could this be me? “what is the colour of the girl’s aso ebi” I asked “I think she said something like pink and grey, they said the babe just wants to chop their money, that’s she’s joking if she thinks they would  buy” I had heard enough! To follow up I made sure I got her name and her friend’s name only to find out that it was one of the girls on my train who said it! So much for friends.
That night I called the babe and blasted her. She was just stuttering on the phone, small world isn’t it. She started apologising that it wasn’t like that and that she was broke and didn’t know how to tell me. I vexed ehn, I then asked her about the others and told her she better tell me what the others had been saying. She talked and talked, I was just shaking my head. Imagine what these girls were saying, didn’t I ask for advice before I went to the woman? Dint I ask one of them to help? I just freed and told them to pay 15k for it, my loss but o well.
Upon what I did for these ungrateful girls they couldn’t have the decency to thank me or even try and help a bit more with wedding plans. On fitting day I practically had to beg them to show up. Whats the problem? Why Is everyone acting funny all of a sudden? After the fitting I decided not to even bother about them anymore, I decided to focus on other things and that was when I found out that our wedding rings were stolen! For a few days I noticed my fiancé was a bit uneasy when we were together but I was so caught up in complaining about friends that he thought it best not tell me. I was quite upset because we customised those rings and this was already a few days to the wedding. My hubby’s dad decided to help with getting another one customised and paid for express delivery! I was so overjoyed! At least one major problem solved.
Everything was set and ready 2 days to the big day, my mum knew my taste to a fault and it was amazing! We had paid all vendors and sorted out everything, we had no issue with dress or cake or food… anything! We even got a chance to do a wedding rehearsal and  It was like a dream come true seeing the beautiful programme, a pic of the gorgeous cake, our wedding rings (even nicer than the first) and of course my wedding dress (seen just by me of course) I was just too happy that one thing had to spoil my joy.
Night before wedding I told all my bridesmaids to sleep over so we would get to church on time, some said they wont be able to make it and I couldn’t have that, if it was just 3 or 4 people coming from different places it’s a different case but 12 people? It would almost be impossible to get everyone ready on time.
7pm…nobody, 8pm…nobody, 9pm… 2 showed up  “ girls, how far now, whats happening?” they explained how they were stuck in traffic and how the others should be here in a bit, (in bridesmaids world the traffic from mainland to Island at 9pm was very bad and from Ajah to V.I was jam packed) I dint say anything.
At the end only 3 bridesmaids came, we had dinner and I tried to act as ok as possible. After a while I began to think… before wedding these girls were always around me, we would hang out and all, I was there when they needed me and I never felt bad when any of them disappointed me, nobody is perfect right? But come o, this is my wedding we’re talking about not my birthday or Christmas party! I began to see the signs… The only person that was truly there was my maid of honour, she paid full price for aso ebi, bought bridesmaid dress, helped a lot with prep and even came on time for sleep over. That’s when it dawned on me that I put the wrong people on my train and for the wrong reasons. Maybe it was because I wanted to show my fine friends off, maybe I felt I would look beautiful enough and I needed a group of beauties to boost my wedding self confidence. I really looked deep into myself and realised that my issues where really deep.
“ ehen, forgot to even tell you…” one of the girls butt in my train of thoughts, she asked me to invite one of my friends who said She wasn’t going to come for the wedding unless I invited her personally.  I couldn’t help but burst into laughter! Its one thing if this girl was an acquaintance e.g former classmate or so, this girl was my friend. she was my number 1 partner in Uni, we were as close as her even helping me with wedding preparation. This so called friend of mine did not even send a text to say congratulations when she heard I was engaged, she told me through another friend of mine. This is the same girl I could almost break my back for… it then dawned on me that my self esteem issues really showed and many took advantage of it, so from that moment I made a decision.
Wedding day came and I was as jumpy as a ping pong ball, I told my make up artist I wanted to look as natural as possible and even changed my wedding hairstyle from curly brazillian to natural kinky, I decided to make a statement for myself. The other bridesmaids came 1 hour before leaving time and I told all of them to not bother, they were shocked “nawa o, is it because your’e even getting married before me” one said,  “your statement just buttressed my reasons” and I left with my maid of honour and the 3 bridesmaids that came the night before.
Imagine you focusing your whole wedding on friends, its ridiculous. I used them as my source of social energy and self worth, like I wasn’t a beautiful person unless I had them around. It was quite interesting seeing a train filled with men but it didn’t matter and we had a lot of fun taking hilarious pictures.  At the reception my hubby said I looked as beautiful as ever and he loved my look! He asked about the train and I quickly explained everything to him, I thought he would tell me I over reacted but he smiled and simply said:
“I’m glad you did”.

Although I wouldn’t really call myself a bridezilla but I would say one thing: don’t linger with friends because are attractive or because they make you think they make you feel beautiful, look in the mirror and see your true friend and if your bridal train decides to mess up close to the big day, shenk them jare! Your wedding will still be fun!


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