The Apple on the Tall Tree

Recently, I watched an episode of a series which made me question my reasons for indulging in such. At first it was funny but it kind of lost me along the line especially this particular episode on Sex Education that showed ( mocked rather) the characters who wanted to abstain. You might not agree with me but I think this can be equated to real life.

Consider this  typical scenario where a boyfriend asks his girlfriend for sex and she refuses. her reason is " I want to save it for marriage". The guy who probably wants it badly might say " if you love me you would let me" or "this relationship would only work if...." would you say the guy really loves  her?

I believe sex is carried out for three major reasons; Ego, Love and Lust.

One might probably agree that many guys take delight in talking about their various 'escapades' with girls. A guy is possibly seen as a 'hard guy' depending on the number of girls he has slept with. Sometimes in order to be 'recognized' some guys go as far as lying just to gain approval from the 'gentlemen's club' I think it is such a pity. I believe guys too are affected when it comes to this issue and it might seem its not a big deal for them but it actually is. I have never heard of or seen any guy who would tap his sister on the back if she told him she had slept with 5 guys in the past 2 weeks. So if you would not like to hear your sister say that why do it to other people's sisters? This brings me to my next reason; Lust

Man is a social animal (although I do not like the word 'animal' it is needed in this context) and like all in this class has the tendency to act on instinct. I've heard a couple of people say 'you be wood?' 'its not possible' 'no dull yourself'. Sometimes I think about this and ask what type of creature Man really is. Man is an intelligent being, he reasons, he thinks! I don't think there would be civilization today if man acted solely on instinct, the cases it was done mostly ended up in man made disasters and world wide massacre! Man has control over his body, his body does not control him. Yes there are definitely times where strong temptations come and a great pull of attraction sets in but I still think one has the power to resist. If one knew there was poison in a very delicious creamy cake and it was sooo attractive and 'tasty' to the eyes, would one still eat it? I believe not and the possible reason would be mostly because one DOES NOT want to either because he or she knows its poisonous or because he/she is not hungry and wont just eat because it is attractive; that's how I see sex, one has the choice to abstain and it doesn't make anyone less a person. One might have thought about the consequences and acknowledged that it is not necessary till the right time. I know some might say after all the other party wants it or the physical appearance makes it hard to abstain, this still takes me back to my example however, I think if one believes in something they not only think it but act it and that's why the saying 'actions speak louder than words' is still very much relevant in this day and age. what I mean is If one wants to abstain from sex (till marriage) It wont be fair to 'tease' guys either through dressing or skills of seduction, its either you want it or you don't, also it wont be fair to lure someone into a compromising position even if it takes two to tango so therefore, one can help him/herself by not putting him/herself in a situation where it is uncomfortable or difficult for both parties to stick to their decision.

This brings me to my last reason which is Love. This is the purest of all reasons and I believe it only Exists in Marriage. there are many pricey gifts in this world but I believe none can be compared to the gift of giving ones whole self untouched, untainted... I think that's the best gift one can ever take into marriage. It is a whole new way of coming to know the one who you would spend the rest of your life with, it is a precious thing which creates a bond so strong, so blessed, so beautiful and that is why it could be seen as a covenant between two people, an unbreakable promise that is to be kept forever and ever!

I believe when two people have sex outside marriage it creates an unhealthy bond and this is usually what makes it hard for one to let go of their first or second or the one who did it best! I also think this could be another reason why divorce rates keep increasing. I wont be surprised if spiritual husbands and spiritual wives exist because this activity could also be said to be a spiritual one which has rules and if broken has consequences attached to it. I also don't believe that someone should marry because of sex! marriage is not all about sex and relationships should not be either.

So if someone wants to abstain till marriage it is his/her choice, such people should be admired and encouraged because it takes strong will, discipline and character to do so.

"A virgin woman is an unattainable object of desire, and it is precisely her unattainability that increases her desirability. Feminism has told a lie in defense of its own promiscuity, namely, that there is no sexual power to be found in virginity. On the contrary, virgin sexuality has extraordinary and unusual power. There's no second-guessing a virgin's motives: her strength comes from a source beyond her transitory whims. It is sexuality dedicated to hope, to the future, to marital love, to children and to God. Her virginity is, at the same time, a statement of her mature independence from men. It allows a woman to become a whole person in her own right, without needing a man either to revolt against or to complete what she lacks. It is very simple, really: no matter how wonderful, charming, handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, rich or persuasive he is, he simply cannot have her. A virgin is perfectly unpossessable.

So-called sexual freedom is really just proclaiming oneself to be available for free, and therefore without value."choose" such freedom is tantamount to saying that one is worth nothing."

Sarah E. Hinlicky