Memoirs of Bridezilla: Where is the Groom?

Sigh, I don't even know where to start and to be honest its God that made that day happen because
after all I went through it was enough for me to say "I'm not doing again" but who am I kidding? I wanted to marry this man with all my heart! when he finally proposed I felt like my life was complete. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't desperate  to get married and I was of a reasonable age (27) so it was more like I wanted to quickly begin forever with him.

Anyway wedding plans commenced, of course my mother was more than happy that her first wedding was here and at this point my fiance could do no wrong, he could do no wrong in my eyes too but there was just one one thing I told him would get me very upset; I told him I did not want him to have a Bach Eve! I knew he had crazy friends and I did not want him missing on the wedding day! he laughed at me and said that I watched "The Hangover" too many times but promised he wont so I felt I had nothing to fear.

Preparations were done by a wedding planner I got from a friend who said she was very good. I told her all I wanted and hoped she would deliver. I couldn't be 100 percent part of it because of work but I got her to update me once in a while and my sisters also helped to follow up. My colours were royal Blue and burnt Orange and I wanted the decor to be all white so that the colours would stand out. The wedding planner suggested Cream or Champagne but I insisted on white, she continued to push her cream agenda, I said I wanted White because it was classy, she pushed on so I eyed her and she got the message. My mum too had her own plans, she had her own decor colour and her aso ebi colour was clashing with mine! "Orange and pink don't go!" I had to tell her a million times and I hoped she listened because she would say "ok" one day then on another day I'd hear her say "aso ebi ni Pink ati Blue" (Our aso ebi is Pink and Blue). After a while I had to sit her down and tell her I did not want to see Pink (of course in a polite way, lol) I told her she could do Lemon Green and Light Blue and at last she finally agreed. After much thinking of the colour combo, I told the wedding planner I changed my mind to Blue. I wanted everything to be baby blue because it seemed like it would fit all our colours and so colour chapter was closed. My Bridesmaids were to wear Gold dresses, I wanted all of them looking glamorous while the groomsmen were to wear Gold bow ties with Navy Blue suits. I didn't have any problem with tailor or delivery because I prepared their outfits 4 months before the wedding, I hounded her every 2 weeks and my ever cooperative bridesmaids went for fitting on time.

Everything went smoothly really. There wasn't really any hitch as the wedding planner was quite on top of her game and my family and friends were very supportive. Since I told my fiance I did not want him to have a Bach Eve, I decided we should have an engagement party so I would not have a bridal shower. We rented a Bar and Lounge for the night, had food and loads of drinks and danced the night away, it was a lot of fun! A week to the wedding I tried on my wedding dress and it was beautiful, by that time everything was so organised that I could even move the date 2 days forward and there would have been no hitch!

About 3 days to the wedding my friends hijacked me straight from work, got me a dress and took me out for Hen night. I felt a bit bad as I had made a deal with my fiance about separate parties but they explained to me that they had planned it a long time ago and could not cancel. Men, that night was wild! my dress was quite flirty and my friends went round Lagos wearing bunny ears and tails in black shorts and tank tops with Pink writing that read "hen night". Of course we got a lot of attention (lol) I'm sure some people would have said we brought oyinbo behaviour to Nigeria! I planned to tell my fiance about it after the wedding so that he wont be too upset with me, at least I danced with just the girls and didn't hire any stripper, whats the worst that could have happened?

A night to the wedding everyone was settled at my place and excited about the big day. My friends also slept over and we almost gisted the night away till I remembered I needed to look refreshed on the day of all days! Before going to bed I wanted to hear my fiance's voice and tell him how much I loved him before he became a Mr. so I excused myself and went to one tiny shed in the compound. Giggling like a little child I dialled his number...

The number you're calling is switched off",  ha! I tried again, same thing! I tried like 10 times and got the same response. I then tried his best man's number and another of his groomsmen and both were just ringing. I was furious! "where have they carried my husband to oh!" was all I was shouting, night before the wedding o! It frightened me a lot because our parents had already warned us to not move around anyhow during the wedding period and at that point I thought of all sorts of things that could have been happening to him. I went inside the house nervous and frantic, pacing up and down, I got my mum to call his parents to find out if they had heard from him that day, they said the last time was around 4pm which was around the same time I had last heard from him too. I just said to myself, of all the things to go wrong! I would have even preferred tailor wahala to this nonsense. I just started crying and crying, calling and calling his number... still switched off. My friends calmed me down and told me not to worry, that they were sure everything would be fine at the end, they were also like maybe his friends planned a bachelor's eve for him too, "which kin stupid Bach Eve, less than 24 hours to your wedding? what rubbish is that! what nonsense!" after wailing I eventually went to bed and just prayed that he was ok.

Omo, morning of wedding day, everyone was in church, I was even ready to go in, father holding me in hand and groom had not yet arrived! grooms men nowhere to be found! "I said it, I said it, when I say no Bach Eve its as if I'm controlling, see now!" I started crying buckets that my dad had to help dab away the tears so it didn't spoil my make up. After waiting for a while I just had to be walked in as the priest said it was getting late. 5 minutes after I walked down the aisle, as the mass was about to start, groomsmen rushed in with my husband behind them. They walked briskly to take their seats and he hurriedly walked to stand beside me. He knew he was in big trouble not just from me but from almost everyone there and to top it all up he was reeking of alcohol! I just started crying again, I quietly told him I wasn't going to marry him in that state that he should go and cleanse himself before joining to me, he quietly begged me to forgive him that he was set up by his friends. The church was so quiet that it was possible the congregation could tell I was about to leave, what saved my fiance was that the priest started the mass and chipped in some things about responsibility and forgiveness in the homily, mehn, easier said than done!

The reception was very nice and a lot of fun. I didn't talk to any of the groomsmen especially the best man, he tried to apologise a couple of times but I just turned my head and formed talking to someone, see me feeling guilty for doing Hen Night whereas this was much worse. Throughout the reception my husband was just begging me explaining that his friends hijacked him. He even felt more remorse when some guests came and said "don't suffer this girl in marriage o" or "what you did was wrong o" or "Bride entering before groom is abomination o". I was quite irritated by the comments but also happy they shared my pain, I also felt bad for him because I saw he was truly sorry. People make mistakes and deserve a second chance especially those you love so  I finally forgave him and after the wedding he made it up to me in a million ways and others I cant discuss here (lol).

We're living happily ever after and I'm so happy I chose him,

I wasn't that much of a bridezilla, was I?

Memoirs of bridezilla: The Servant Bride

Hmm... of all the people in the world I was certain I would not be a bridezilla, not in a million years because I don't like trouble. I'd rather leave you to do whatever you want than cause an argument or a debate, its just so much wahala!

That was my mind frame o, till they showed me pepper and I realised I had a Banshee inside me!

My proposal was really sweet; it was nothing special as we didn't travel to any expensive location or have a party, it was just a lovely sunny day by the beach. we walked hand in hand sinking our feet into the sand of the washed up shore, a few poetic words were said and an "I do" was very much in place.
Our parents were more than happy to hear we were finally getting married as we dated for quite a while (8 years). My aunties (of course) always used to say that I was not getting any younger and my friends often made me feel like he was holding me down, "dump him jare, no time" or "he's playing with you o! he'll soon go and marry one small girl". I was under so much pressure at one time that I almost gave in but later realized that God's time is the best and He did it for me.

Preparations took off immediately and the date was set for 6 months after the proposal (sharp sharp). It was as if my mother had been fantasizing about it for years because she was already 2 steps ahead with venue, decor, catering etc. I didn't mind for a while but when I saw she wanted to book Shina Peters and Daddy Showkey I was like "nah mehn, lets save that money biko". I then had to step in with my demands on the colours I wanted, the cake, my wedding dress and other things.

I had these group of friends that were my girls since Uni, they were my sisters and confidants and I usually didn't make a big decision without checking with them first. Everything I did somewhat evolved around their approval and I was very happy they endorsed my relationship when it started. Obviously all 6 of them were chosen to be my bridesmaids but my close cousin was maid of honour to avoid fight. I dont know if I expected too much but when I told these friends of mine I was getting married their responses were quite cold, "ehen... congrats... " he actually did? congrats". I dont know but what do you think? I guess I just wished there was a bit more enthusiasm in the replies. Even for wedding preparation they were barely supportive, it was only one of them who called  once or twice and even when I asked if she could help with something she said she was busy with work. Anyhow, I tried to ignore their funny behaviour and continued on my own.
My mum was on a roll! she sorted every single thing from cake to DJ to MC, Alaga, photography, videography gbo gbo e, it was as if she had all of them on speed dial from the moment I introduced her to my hubby! everyday she would go and meet up with one vendor or the other, negotiate and place down payment. Before I used to think that she was overexcited and rushing things because he was from a wealthy family but I remembered that I was the first marriage in the family and the only girl. At first I enjoyed the luxury of a mum wedding planner but after a while she became a bit controlling, saying things like "this dress is not nice jo, choose the one that is full like a ball gown"(and she knew I wanted something A-line) or " ah! mba! aso ebi is good, it will make the place colourful and your friends will want to buy" (after I had said I did not want aso ebi but just a general colour) "ehn, say wetin? general colour ke? Aso ebi jare, different colours!" after a while I just started keeping quiet, I guess it wasn't such a big deal for me to argue.

3 weeks to the wedding and I was far from excited. The only people who seemed supportive were my control mum, my cousins and a few good friends but they were not the ones I really wanted to support me, where were my "big 6"? my real paddies? nowhere to be found! I started thinking maybe it was because I did not spend enough time with them but that was even difficult to do as I had to follow my mum everywhere, I then organised a girls night out so we could all meet up but got a text full of excuses, only one of them showed up and I felt really bad, I just hoped it was because they were busy or that they had already planned a bridal shower for me and that was why they didn't show.

1 week to the wedding and no bridal shower, no hen night. A little consolation was the lunch and cinema my cousins took me to and although it meant a lot I was still hurt. To top it up I felt my mum was the bride because I hardly had a say in anything and it was becoming too much and I knew at one point in time I was going to break!

on the day we went for the final fitting of my wedding dress (the ugly one I didn't like) I saw a pretty A-line dress on one of the dummies in the bridal shop, it was so beautiful! I told my mum I really liked the dress but she was like "honey you already have one" I kept quiet. They brought the dress, I tried it on and still did not like it. While mum was talking to the manager I just kept staring at the dress on the mannequin; the beautiful lace detail and the lovely flowing flared bottom. I had always felt this would suit me being a tall person than a ball gown... I broke into tears! I mean is it fair for a bride to be treated like a nobody for her own wedding? her opinions should matter now? mum then said " sweetie did you hear what she said? she's given us a free bridal hair comb!" she broke into my train of thoughts and I didn't know when I said "I don't like this dress" she replied "ehn but its-" "I DON'T WANT THIS DRESS AH AN! I'VE BEEN SAYING IT SINCE! GOSH!!!" there was silence. still pumped with adrenaline I took off the horrid one and went to try the one I had been eyeing all day, it fit like it was made for me! I told my mum that I wont be forced to wear something I didn't want  and even the manager and sales girls had to admit I looked better in the A line. mum did not say a word but showed her approval with a nod  and made the necessary changes in the transaction, I was so happy and felt joy for the first time in a very long while. I later apologized for yelling and explained to her how I really felt about many things, she felt bad and tried to make amends with the few days left, I was touched by her efforts and hugged her many times because I knew she was just trying to help and for that I was truly grateful.
The traditional wedding day was very successful and alas my big 6 finally turned up and showed some support by dancing with me when needed. I was so overjoyed that I forgave them for not planning a bridal shower and I had a little energy after the ceremony so I considered a hen night. After freshening up I went to meet them and saw they were looking gloomy and dull. I asked if they were ok and even offered to bring food and drinks in case they didn't get anything to eat. I went to get drinks and some food, even when I returned they were still seated looking (possibly eyeing me), I even asked what was wrong and they barely answered, that was when I had had it, I banged the tray on the table and exploded! " WHAT THE F*** IS ALL THIS! WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS ARE YOU? OVER THE YEARS I'VE SERVED YOU, I'VE SUPPORTED YOU THROUGH THICK AND THIN AND THIS IS WHAT I GET ON MY OWN WEDDING?? I ranted and screamed, cried and yelled so loud that everyone in the house knew I was talking to wicked ungrateful girls. after a while the parlor was filled with amebos and they all felt embarrassed, I was so pissed I just concluded with " GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! DON'T COME FOR MY WEDDING!" I damned the consequences, I told myself I would rather have no bridesmaids than jealous, envious ones. what else would have caused such a behaviour? and to confirm it my cousin later told me that she overheard them gossiping about me saying that they couldn't believe I was getting married before them as they thought I was the least attractive in the group. One even said that as fine as she was my fiance picked me instead of her, I cried ehn, can you imagine having such toxic girls around you for years and not even realizing it?

 3 of them called to apologize the night before the white wedding and begged to be put back on the train so I forgave them. Out of the other 3, one sent me a nasty text while the other 2 texted me a few days after the wedding but I didn't see it till after my marvelous 1 month honeymoon! quite frankly I didn't care what they had to say, I enjoyed the white wedding too much to care. it was a beautiful day! my mum did very well with everything she organised and I even thought to myself that maybe it was even good she controlled everything (except my dress sha). I didn't get many gifts (I'm sure it was because of  the overpriced aso ebi) but it was a nice, jovial crowd.

Most importantly I'm married to my other half and I can never have felt better!

so... yeah!

Memoirs of a Bridezilla: Prologue

Studies have shown that 1 in 2 human species (which is probably you)  was/is a potential Bridezilla!

Every Bride to be, no matter how little has a bit of bridezilla in her. Its just a moment, in fact, the point where you just SNAP!

the snap could be in different ways; growling yells, ghoulish howls, screeching cries or seething silence... sigh... the drama of preparing for marriage.

you turn into a Bridezilla when you perceive things are not going as planned and people are not acting as planned in preparing for the big day. from a delayed wedding dress, drunk or unhelpful bridesmaids to bad tailors, huge arguments, fall outs and disagreements are bound to happen.

Although wedding preparations can be quite stressful, especially if you're running around yourself (to avoid the bank breaking wedding planner), the D day usually turns out great if not wonderful and the funniest thing is on that day, you wouldn't even be aware of all the underground hustling and bustling because you will be so happy to be married to the man of your dreams! Even when you look back you would probably laugh at all the drama you caused for one tiny "glitch" ("I said black and white not white and black" lol!), you would also appreciate the people who worked hard for you and learn a few lessons from your experience.

Now, here's the fun part; different ladies from different places will be sharing their memories here, talking about how they snapped and how it turned out at the end. Don't be surprised when you read about the weirdest glitches, the funniest scenarios and the most supportive clan. Of course you could also share yours on the comment box below and get your pre-brides to come learn how to avoid drama (or cause one lol!). Lets laugh at ourselves and be grateful for a successful wedding day and the effort put in making it happen.

Why Can't We All Be...

Why can't we all be happy...

I agree, its a tough world out there. some can say that the toughest is living in Nigeria. We see so many sad and terrible things going on its so hard to think that anything good can come out of the government.
of all the things they should be promising Power should come first! light! it goes a long way!
You can probably recall  the skip in your heart when you hear the sometimes incredibly loud siren, see bulbs light up in your living room and hear reduced to no generator noise. All these are sometimes enough to make one happy. Light motivates, energizes, encourages, makes people work and that's why we get better results at daytime or when there is light.
I guess we cant wait for the government to make us happy; we have to do that ourselves, the best way we can. Get our own light (gen/Inverter) go out, have fun and enjoy life with good company. If our pockets are quite shallow there's always the ultimate happy trigger, a smile.

Why can't we all Smile...

Smiling is like the siren that lets us know there's light. when you smile, you spark up a warm fire within you, it triggers a pleasant feeling, motivates and energizes cos it signals happiness. Lets smile through the difficulties, challenges and issues we face, it will help us to cope and solve them better.

Why can't we all See...

why can't we all see the benefit of helping one another? think of the common good? what use is it having trillions of Naira in your account while your neighbor is starving? why cant we create more jobs and pay well? why cant we get our jobs well done? we charge but don't deliver yet still ask for full payment, we employ but don't pay. Why get stuck in this vicious cycle of selfishness and lack of productivity?
Give 100 percent and get 100 percent, if you are paid for 100 percent, do 100 percent! lets help each other be better workers and overall better people. Lets help each other appreciate dignity in labour.

Why can't we all Pray...

Pray for our country and our leaders. Have we ever thought that they might not be spiritually strong? The power of God moves mountains, causes miracles, changes hearts. We can pray to become better people so we can focus on our constant source of happiness and smile, work and earn good pay.
Many changes we would like to see most times starts from us. The common saying "be the change you want the world to be" is not just a quote, it is a mantra we should all have. If we effect positive change in ourselves, we will be happy and be the change we want Nigeria to be.

Special Effects? Nope!

Saw this on my way home a few days ago..

Nope, it wasn't a movie shoot

Nope, it wasn't photo-shopped

Hope no one was in there!

I'm back

Waking up to a 5 am alarm  meant something to me: a new day and in a few hours, a new location. I had been here for years. Used to the  squeals of little children in the playground just by my window, used to the slap of piercing cold on a winter morning  and used to the sound of the tubes which announce your destination with a little advice to pay attention to the gap between the platform and the door.

The reality of returning to my home country did not sink in till I found myself wake up to the squeal of the peacock in my compound, the dry Harmattan wind and the sound of the drivers talking loudly about a certain night.

Even if I have been here for a while, it still feels like yesterday when I flip through pictures of the past, sometimes hoping to return as soon as possible because I miss a particular place and the memories it brings.

It’s usually hard to go back to a more tasking way of life when one has tasted the life of living abroad. One thinks of the luxuries that were enjoyed as a result of a good system, transport, electricity and especially all kinds of shopping!

But at the same time, returning home has made me see this country in a new light. There are so many things we can achieve here, a system waiting to be built with so many opportunities to build them. Knowledge waiting to be imparted on those who ache to learn what we know but have no means to do so, a splurge of ideas waiting to be shared and a multitude of chances waiting to be taken.

I believe that the countries we move to are like that for a reason; people took chances, they sweated, they worked hard, they achieved the achievable, took advantage of opportunities and taught others to do the same. If most of the people decided to move out, we wouldn't be going there…

So I've decided to stay, to help in my little way and hope to see the results it brings

This is my country, if I don’t help, who will?

What People Think

It’s plausible to say one of the greatest things a man yearns for is a good name or “better” still to gain human respect. As a result, many actions are guarded in order to be civil so as to not offend anyone…

There are many times people engage in conversations and at least one person would have an opposing view… is this wrong?

I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion, after all that’s what makes human beings unique. Imagine if we all agreed to everything, we would probably not be human. Besides, its our differences that make life more interesting.

I believe one should never be afraid to express oneself especially if what one is about to say is true. The world is filled with too many people who follow popular opinion, its time it had one who could stand out.

Through observation and a bit of experience, I have noticed there are two kinds of people:

There are those who don’t know why they do certain things or have certain lifestyles. They do certain things either because they were brought up that way or they believe it’s the trendy thing to do. I’m afraid such people would probably always end up following the crowd and conforming to the whims of society whether it makes sense or not. I have also noticed that such people are always quick to judge those who don’t conform. The uncertainty of their actions makes them have wavering opinions, they’re like chameleons in various social gatherings. Such people also tend to get irritated when someone has an opinion contrary to popular belief, either because they do not understand why or they envy such boldness.

There are also another set of people who have strong views about certain things and this shows in their lifestyle, however they fail to express this in a gathering with those who have contrary beliefs, afraid that they may be seen as alien or might become unpopular. Such people are certain of who they are but afraid of what people might think, so in conversations they might not state their opinion in certain conflicting topics or when they do might try to compromise their statement.

I believe one should be bold enough to state an opinion regardless of what people might think. Funny enough no one knows what anyone thinks! We all make assumptions and might be wrong in many occasions.  Anyone could learn from anyone and respect comes from anywhere. Following popular opinion does not necessarily gain popularity or a good name.

So the moral of the story is, if you have something to say, say it because you are convinced, not because it  makes you popular, not because many people believe it, but because its YOUR OPINION.

Be civil, be polite but worry less about what people think.

Say a Prayer, Light a Candle

There’s a man, sitting on his desk. He’s looking through a couple of documents. One is a filed report on the names and conditions of several aircraft that fly to and from Nigeria. They read fine except one that reads a technical glitch in one of the aircraft. It was fixed and flew a couple of weeks ago however, it needs further repairs. He looks into it but thinks it’s not a problem; the plane can still fly so what the heck!

Thank God I’m going home, yesterday was just too hectic! Aunty can kill somebody sha, clear this, clear that, pick this, pick that! Its  okay! If not that Ijeoma is my person I wont have flown all the way to do slave work! Sigh, I’m so tired! The sun has drained my energy further but glad to be going home, back to flexible time, don’t need to get to any desk, dad would understand once I tell him how my Saturday went.

I’m going to rush in because I want to sit at my fave spot- by the window! Like to watch the plane rise and stare into space, it helps  gather my thoughts. As I triumphantly sit on my spot I see I beat a 5 year old to it. I feel like an agbaya but I’m pretty sure I need it more than her, besides where is she rushing to when her mother is behind me, she should sit with her and hope the man by the window switches seats.

Take off is quite smooth and I get excited feeling the pressure pull upwards. I watch the ground shrink and people become ants, I like the look of buildings like doll houses, it looks like you could pick them and make a city of your own… I wonder how Anne city would be… hmm… definitely no 9-5 jobs! Thinking of work makes me want to sleep and now the clouds have helped looking like soft white pillows swaying in the breeze.

*yawn* I miss home, even if its just one weekend. I know I have something to do first though, apologise to Jay for burning her dress. Even though I didn’t do it on purpose I shouldn’t have said  she was materialistic for getting angry and shouting at me. Have to finish that proposal I lied I had finished, he wont be happy if he finds out, something he gave me two weeks ago! Chai I’m lazy o! will try this week, dad’s business depends on it.

Hmm… Tee owes me gist! That missed call pained me ehn! That her boyfriend that has proposed after how many years! Ole! Lazy boy! Since she has been waiting! At least he has now. Maybe he was getting himself together sha, he’s a nice person. Just glad he’s finally asked… *yawn* at least the wedding bells will soon…start…zzzzzzzzzzz

GBOOOOOOM!!!!!! 

Ha! What was that? Where are we now sef? This looks like Lagos? I slept too much o! not a fan of sleeping on planes and what was that sound?

Ah! Is this plane jerking? This isn’t funny o! or am I dreaming? Whats going on? Whats this announcement? “excuse me sir, whats happening?” “ I don’t know o! even me I’m wondering, the hostesses aren’t saying anything, they're just telling us to keep calm that we’re almost in Lagos”

GBAM!!!!

Ah! We’re moving too fast o! my heart is beating! Whats going on! People are fretting, one woman is shouting, those children are crying! I’m afraid to look out the window!

WE’RE DIVING!!! AAAAHHH!!!!

God please! Not now I beg you! My sister is unhappy with me! I dint hug her! I didn’t Say goodbye! I need to tell her I love her! My mum, my dad! Please God, Please please! Why me! Why now? Why this plane!

WE’RE SPEEDING, WE’RE BENDING OOOO

*sobs* Jesus please have mercy! See these children! See that woman screaming! The pain she must feel watching her babies scream! See that young girl! She’s crying!!! See me! I’m still young Lord! Too much to accomplish! My family they need me! Our families need us Lord! I’m sorry for my sins! Can’t find my rosary! This plane is going to crash! We’re helpless Lord! We’re helpless! We’re dangling on our seats! Some have fallen to the front! If we crash we are finished! If we crash Lord, Please! We’re finished! Please save us please!!!!

PLEEEEEAAASEEE LORRD PLEASEEE LORD PLEEEEEAAAAASSEEEE

LORD HAVE MERCY!!!!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHH…………….

The aviation officer on a sofa in his house. He just got paid and is planning his next holiday. He’s thinking, maybe London? America? Italy?

Which airline? Hmm…

definitely this one. I trust them. its safe!

O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of Hell, lead all souls to Heaven especially those who are in most need of thy mercy.

The Calmness of Nature

What do you get when you give a good person a good camera?

This:

Blue Bell Woods

Close to the Top!

Almost there...

On Kilimanjaro, YES she WAS!

Bluebell Forest: The pretty side of Entfield

Bluebell Beauty

Pay before you steal ;-)

GOD, OUR GREATEST ARTIST.

Another Alice Moment

Remember the time I got creative with my footwear? That was an Alice moment, a period where I drift into fairy land/ “Me” world where I forget I actually live on Earth!

This time we were in a bus and I was certain I had all I needed; my missal, wallet, right pair of shoes etc… I got there at the nick of time and walked out of the bus triumphantly, feeling good that I had made it despite the ridiculous time I left home. As I skipped along praising my good memory,  I heard something that sounded like a horn and a “hey!” I didn’t think it was me so I carried on, it continued for about 5 minutes distracting my proud thoughts so I finally decided to see what the matter was  truly hoping it wasn’t some guy trying his luck.

In the bus was a man, a black man shouting “hey”, waving something in his hand?  I squinted at the object and no one needed to tell me the next course of action to take.  The bus had tried so he had to fling it. I ran to the middle of the road and quickly grabbed it in all humility, wondering when it ever left my bag and when I would ever learn from my mistakes!

People normally say one’s wallet holds his whole life because you usually have cash, credit and I.D cards, driver’s license and any other thing that shows you exist. I lost this bareley a month before and I was very lucky to not have again.

I am grateful that such a man was in the bus, I’m very sure many would say I was lucky because I doubt you would often find such people who would see a wallet and take it upon themselves to return to the rightful owner!  It really struck me that this guy handed me the wallet especially because of the reputation certain people might have of blacks. It’s sad that many have to suffer prejudiced remarks from others just because of a few irresponsible people. I truly wish one day a person would be judged by his actions and not by the negative things that someone from his country, tribe or race did.  With this little action I’m pretty sure he would have changed any negative impression people on the bus may have had about him because he looked scruffy and one would think he would assume he hit jackpot by finding an unattended wallet!

 I believe there Is hope for everyone! Not to say I’d be leaving my wallet on the seat to test anyone (lol) but I truly believe one shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. This experience should also hopefully teach me that on the bus, wandering into wonderland is not wise!

For Coloured Girls: Extreme Feminism?

I think I can comfortably say this has been the worst movie I have watched in my life, even worse than the horrible movie Haemoglobin.

I understand the theme is to show the raw emotions of women and how they cope with struggles and traumatic events that occur in their lifetime, I also appreciate the cast ( I tip my hat to Thandie Newton, and I think she had the best performance) however, there were certain things I could not but disagree with.

Are men the enemy? I believe that there are men out there who have issues and women are usually the ones who suffer but can we get statistics please? Is it every man that beats his wife, rapes or cheats? I found some of the portrayals very unrealistic. It’s ironic that the director of this movie is male himself. In fact one could come out of the cinema thinking men are evil and can never change and that’s how most of the male characters were portrayed. How about the man who stood by his wife even when he found out the reason she couldn’t have children? His character was much downplayed! Are we saying such men don’t exist? And if this is the case should society just sit and fold its arms?

Another thing I could not agree with is the portrayal of religious people having double standards and this seems to be a trend in modern movies today.  The practice of religion is now portrayed as an avenue for hypocrites to masks themselves under the false guise of virtue, fervent Christians are all too often presented as lunatics and puritans, I strongly disagree. Not every person striving to be Christian is pharisaic. The fact that one is not perfect and strives for this is one of the beautiful aspects of being human, that’s what keeps man going, being motivated to reach ones ideal and if a few people get caught up in a glass house with a judging look and raised pointed nose, it’s their problem however those people do not make up the population of true Christians.

Even if one could identify with the hard core truth about modern black society, the movie portrays the vices of these men as incurable. The rapist was allowed to get away with his vice by being killed, he was stabbed but died a rapist, the man who murdered his own children was locked in prison given the excuse of being a criminal rather than someone who was probably portrayed as one who had  some mental illness. In reality, a man who kills his own children out of anger will not be sent to jail but a psychiatric home, especially one who experiences post-traumatic stress disorder. He would be placed in a mental hospital and receive therapy, not immediate jail term.

It’s very sad that abortion is seen as a very easy and convenient thing to do. I do not believe that it is an easy decision to make and the option of life is not even considered. I strongly think that one should always be able to face the consequences of ones actions; one always wants to have ones cake and eat it. Is being pregnant punishment? Is sexual irresponsibility to be celebrated?

The vulgarity of the poetry put me off! I do not believe sex is all about superficial pleasure; it is sacred and should be treated as such. It was portrayed as a crime and something used by men to exploit women. Although in some cases it is but how about the good sides? How about a wonderful and most enjoyable union between two people with equal love for each other? (This is usually best revered by a husband and wife on a matrimonial bed).

It is understandable that one’s feelings and experiences are usually expressed through writing. For instance Tyler Perry is said to have had an abusive father and so mostly spent time with his mother and women. Although he did not write the original script, it makes a lot of sense for him to have portrayed men in that manner and adopt a negative feminine view of things. I think he could have done better with the story line; the movie leaves no moral lesson or hope for anyone struggling in such a situation. I understand it’s a movie FOR COLOURED GIRLS but are we saying that all men are evil? And that they cannot change? Are we saying that women are always the victims?

I don’t think women are weaklings and don’t know how to handle situations in their lives. Not every black woman is oppressed by a man and not every religious woman is a puritan with double standards and I think this is what the movie tried to portray, as each character’s experience is supposed to mirror an aspect of a black woman’s life. This movie makes women look like they are always suffering and have no clue of what to make of life, we are stronger than we know and with God and good guidance we can definitely cope with the obstacles life throws at us.

Don't Judge Me!

Anger swelled inside as she spoke, I wanted to slap her, how dare she! How dare she advise me! She knows nothing of my situation yet she has the audacity to tell me dating a married man is wrong!

What does she know? Was she there when I had to struggle with a single mum all the way through uni? Was she there when I was suffering with 1 meal a day? When I asked her for 10k did she give me? Hiss! Now she’s telling me I shouldn’t be with Kunle.

I looked at her with fiery balls as eyes, wanted to yell “get out” but spoke calmly “Tosin, thanks for your concern but I don’t think you should be giving me advice or correcting me. You’ve never been in a relationship so you would not understand what I am going through, you can’t help who you fall in love with”. “A married man?  That’s your choice?” she said. “We are in love Tosin and there’s nothing that can be done about it, he’s having a hard time at home and I’m the only person he can turn to” “so what should happen to his wife? What if you were in her shoes?” “I will never be in her shoes because she does not know how to treat her husband” I retorted. “You know what, lets drop the issue” “I’ve heard you” she said. “Just remember sha, there’s a proverb which says The broom that swept out the housewife from her matrimonial home is the same broom that will sweep out the concubine”.  I didn’t say a word and that was because Kunle drove in at that moment. She’s very lucky he did because I was ready to give her a piece of my mind.

Annoyingly, that’s all I could think of while in the car- her self-righteous words, as if she‘s better than me. She has forgotten the time she almost cheated in that test or the time she almost dated Fred! If I didn’t tell her he was with Remi!  She would have and she and Fred were even close to marriage! Hiss! “Sugar, are you okay?” “I’m fine o, just thinking”.  “What’s my baby thinking about?” “Stuff o! My friend just annoyed me… its nothing really”. The car fell silent. He pinched my chin to get a smile, I usually like that but I was just upset that my best friend would say such a thing. I mean she should understand now. How many times have I told her the story!

My father left us when I was very young! It was just my sister and my mum who wasn’t working at the time. She got pregnant for me at an early age so could not finish her education. My father promised he would always be there for her, he kept part of it by marrying her but anytime she wanted to start a trade or finish her education he would tell her it wasn’t necessary that his income was sufficient. Then one day he packed his bags, said he was travelling to Abuja for a business meeting and was never seen again.

Imagine how distraught my mum was, I was barely 5 and my sister was just 3 years old! Heartless wicked man! I can never forgive him! He put my mother through so much pain! Thank God she had the strength to put her life together! At least she knew how to sew so opened a little shop and that’s how we’ve been managing. I promised myself I would do all I can to help my mother, now God has sent Kunle who gives me money from time to time and somebody is telling me it’s wrong? Hiss!

It is my right! I am a woman ahan! I deserve to be petted and lavished with gifts! It’s not as if I went to meet him ahan! I was jejely on my own when we met so please Tosin should mind her business!

He took me for ice-cream because he said he didn’t like how I looked, how sweet of him! (Such a gentleman!) I decided to leave my thinking aside and start a conversation, I even felt better after the sweet strawberry flavour had cooled the heat on my tongue “how’s your wife?” “She’s okay; she’s still the same sha, always nagging! Pay this pay that! I’m tired of her! At least when I’m with you I feel better” he said while brushing his hand on my face. “So beautiful”, I blushed “thank you”. After that he took me shopping, gave me cash then dropped me home. I felt much better and even forgot about our argument.

While I was sorting out my new clothes my mum came in.  “ahan, where did you get these clothes from? Hope you’re not using your school fees money o!” “Haha!   Relax mummy, my friend got them for me” “hmm… nawa for this friend, this famous friend I haven’t met that buys you phone and clothes! We cannot afford that kind of friend o! Before she will think you can buy her iPod for present! Let her know who we are o!” I laughed at the thought that she assumed it was a girl “haha mummy, she knows don’t worry” “sigh, my dear, wish I could even afford to make it possible for you to do that, such friends are treasures and you should also be able to show gratitude, at least be a good friend to her sha” I chuckled then smiled “sigh, if only I finished school. It’s your father o! Told me I’ll be fine, (tears ran down her cheeks) said I should not worry then ran away with one small girl! Imagine that, said it was business trip found out was secretary! Sigh, such is life”. She left the room sniffing…..

I said nothing. 

Mind Explosion!!!!

I have a million ideas in my head!
I have a million goals I want to achieve
I have a million words to write!!!

I was told  I am the daughter with the "big brain",  it was funny then but now I feel my head is expanding due to my numerous radioactive ideas about to explode because I haven't acted on the previous ones!
Have you ever felt you have so much planned and so much to do that you have them all listed in your head but it seems you dont know where to start?
Happens to me all the time. I have sooo much to pour into this virtual book of mine but dont know the first letter to write and so I'm  entangled in a web of   letters and stories that are hard to loose!
This is one of the many reasons why things get done slowly or not at all, we have so many goals we want to achieve but dont know how or where to start and sometimes dont have the resources or motivation to.

Anyway, I have finally decided I shall start anyway and anyhow, I will start by planning, would take time but a project well planned is half complete.

I think the best thing is to start anyway and anyhow, we sometimes complain about problems and issues in our environment, how bad it is, why no one helps. We have wonderful ways to solve these problems but never do because we never act.

Start today, take a pen and paper, write your goals and ACT!

The "Saw" Principle

The rain poured like it was furious, flogging his back and knocking his head, but he didn’t mind, he had experienced this many times that it dint matter anymore, he was used to it. The walk home wasn’t too far, just 30 minutes , he would make it home safe as long as it wasn’t  past 9pm, Sege and his gang emerged at that time and no one in sound mind should be out unless they wanted to join or die!

He was a very smart boy, his teacher advised him to go to Kings College for his secondary education or get a scholarship to White Sands but he feared his parents won’t be able to afford it and he won’t be able to fit in with the “aje butters”. It hurt him though, he knew he was very smart and deemed it unfair that a boy as intelligent as he was wouldn’t be able to get a good education, all because of money! Cursed thing!

He quickened his pace as it was getting late, he knew he stretched the time too far but how could he say no to a nice soccer match with the boys, especially when he knew he’s a very skilled player! Then the rain had to spoil everything and he remembered he had a curfew.  He definitely didn’t want to meet Sege neither did he want to worry his mum so he started running . He began to see lights turned on nearby and his heart started racing, “I need to make it on time o!” he ran faster and then he slipped and fell hard on the muddy floor.

He gradually stood up and tried to squeeze some water out of his clothes and as he squeezed all he could a black Jeep sped past and drenched them once more. He sighed loudly, he hated being poor, he wished his family was rich, at least he won’t have to walk and get soaked and dirty! He wouldn’t have to pretend like he didn’t care about the jokes his classmates crack, they teased and said hurtful things like he had only a pair of trousers and he walked to school because he had no money, they say they could buy his house with their allowance. He also felt bad because they take okada to school and he doesn’t.

He felt terrible now, the fall made it worse. At first he was happy about the correct goal he scored which made him forget about the rain, then he thought  of the nice things his teacher said to him and he felt better then he became scared because he was running late and now he regretted being poor!

He got home on time and just like he figured his mother was waiting for him. She shouted at him for taking time then told him she boiled hot water for his bath and Pounded Yam and Egusi was waiting for him. His little brother ran to hug him then showed him what he drew in the jotter Uncle Tunde dashed him. He sighed, he was happy he was home but was still upset he was poor.

The rain poured like it was furious, flogging the roof and banging the boot, he didn’t mind, all he had to do was put on his headphones and play some music. He took out his iTouch and selected “over my dead body” . He’d met Drake once at this concert where he got a V.I.P seat. As funny as it might sound he actually wanted to go with his dad but he was busy and had been for the past 3 years!

He wasn’t a straight A pupil and he didn’t care, he knew he could get into any secondary school he wanted, his mum knew principals and besides he was going to an English school in Paris, he didn’t have time for this country, it was too hot and too boring. He thought about this while taking a few puffs from his inhaler, cursed thing! He thought. He was off to the hospital again, his leg had to be checked. He hoped it was fine even though this was the 4^th in successive months he was going for x-ray on the same leg. The doctor said he had brittle bones and should be especially taken care of.

The driver missed a turn and found himself in a very dodgy area, he made a quick U-turn and sped past splashing some boy with muddy water.  He saw the pool of water soak the boy’s face and clothes, he felt sorry for him and told the driver to be careful next time. He kept staring at him and wondered what he was doing under the heavy rain, couldn't  he at least take a cab or something? The sharp pain on that leg reminded him that he had his own problems to take care of.

He was scared and wished his mother was there, he wished she read him a story or told him how hectic her day was while leaning  on her  shoulders.  He wanted to feel like a big baby for once, he was longing to feel like a big baby. She  was never at home and he was tired of always playing ps3 games with his governess or gossiping about his classmates to the driver. He wished his brother would drive him to school at least one day, preferably on his birthday so he could show him off to his classmates and say “hey! My brother drove me to school!” He couldn’t remember the last time he ever hung out with him, he was always busy either with his friends or going to some party. Sometimes he wished he was as old as his brother so that he could go out with him, he began to cry. He just wanted his parents, he just wanted love… He just wanted his family.

On flying Cars and Robot Friends

I’ve been thinking of a technology strike…  I plan not to use my phone, internet nor watch television.

Wait! Who am I kidding?

I doubt if I would last a day! But then again I might… at least a day lol

Those who know me well could conclude I would hardly survive, it’s sometimes impossible to live without technology, life is so much easier! Many years ago I might have had to wait for weeks to receive or send a message to family who live about 3000 miles away but now I can do it with a click, I could even send a picture or video message and get an instant reply!

 I like gadgets, they’ve helped a lot but sometimes I wonder what life would be without them… much better or much worse?

Many suggest that in a few years we would live in a world of uttermost pleasure and relaxation. With the upsurge of ideas ranging from flying cars to invisible clothes, the world might be pretty awesome. I mean, just imagine waking up in the morning and all you have to do is say “bathroom” and your bed flies you to the shower. You don’t need to touch anything! Then from there it takes you to your wardrobe and picks out the best outfit that suits your mood or the occasion. After that it takes you for breakfast then transfers you into the car for work.

Even at work all you have to do is sit on a chair while there’s a robot that senses what you’re thinking and does all the tasks for you. So basically all you have to do is think “arrange the files” and a robot does the filing.

Imagine not having to worry about your looks! A robot is right there at home ready to modify your imperfections or transform into a perfect copy of you just in case things don’t go so well…

I guess that might be pretty cool in the virtual world of movies like “surrogates” and “I, robot” but like the movies imply, it could be pretty depressing.

First of all you will probably get an increase of retarded individuals because everyone decides to leave the thinking to the computers, no one would want to figure out things for themselves anymore. We would all probably be weighing a million tonnes and very unhealthy like the humans in Wall-E (I know, I watch them a lot!)

Well, like I said I don’t have a problem with technology but I think I still like to hold my pen, write on paper,  dot my I’s and cross my t’s.
I'd still like to walk (at least for a few minutes), smell fresh air and sink my feet into sand, twirl and run my toes through  green grass.

I’d prefer to receive poetry with lovely scented natural flowers than some e-card from River songs.

I’d love to watch my friend smile, hug her and take her shopping. I still love a drink with the guys and human company!

I’d love to play dress up once in a while, look in the mirror and be sure I’m human.

Gadgets are good but Living is better.

No Kele Kele Love

I like this song by Tiwa Savage, I stumbled on another song by her on my friend princess's blog and  I think she's quite talented. It just sums up so many things a girl has to know about getting a decent guy and not a play boy.
It really annoys me when girls settle for less because they have been brainwashed to think all men are the same; in this context all men cheat! NO girls, all men DON'T CHEAT!
Don't let them deceive you, its just another way to make it look like what they're doing is okay, ITS NOT!

I believe all men don't and won't  cheat for the following reasons

• Men are human beings not animals, however most times the indecent ones act solely on instinct, so what are you doing with him? go for guys who reason, guys that think, guys that are smart! in this sense I mean guys that no matter how many naked women they see they are not triggered in any way because they know what they want and are not interested in the physical, that's why he chose you!
• Men have emotions too, I strongly believe if a guy loves you he would not cheat on you no matter how many guys try to prove you wrong. Many guys say that its not just love that can keep a guy from cheating, there might be other factors but it is very possible to say its a strong reason to be faithful because when you love someone your happiness lies in knowing the person better, being with the person and making the person happy. So there won't be time for him to think about how to meet Lara at the parking lot at night.
• Guys who say they love you and still cheat are just highly in-disciplined, that's just it! they lack self control and you dont deserve to be with such a man. If you are dating someone who is in-disciplined be ready to hear all sorts of stories.
• A guy most possibly wont cheat if he is decent, preferably God-fearing and in my opinion that's the best kind of man to date because he loves God and knows God will give him the strength to overcome his weaknesses and temptations. Also he knows better not to put himself in any situation that would make him lose you and that's showing true love
• Most guys who say "I love you" easily don't mean it, that's what I know as KELE KELE love. they tell you because they know that is what you want to hear. Dont fall for any guy that finds it very easy to say those words, in most cases its not true.
• Men like to be loved and appreciated as well. If you have a guy who loves you and shows it please show him love and attention, dont frustrate him to cheat. In my opinion they wont cheat if they are not frustrated.
• Men wont cheat if you dont cheat, simple.

Ladies please understand that you don't have to be with someone if you'd end up with one who does kele kele love. Be patient, be yourself and the right guy will come along.