Out with Dad

here's an article I wrote a while ago, quite suitable for the season of Father's day 

it also happens to be my first post this year (finally!)

enjoy.

OUT WITH DAD

“It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons”

-Federich Von Schiller

Nothing beats the look on your face when you’re dressed to go out and dad says “NO” to 23 year old you but hands 21 year old Junior the car keys. With time one understands that the partiality that probably exists when it comes to the bond between father and son is only natural. In contemporary Africa, the relationship between father and son is usually seen as very significant in the home, possibly because they share the same gender or personality or because of the spiritual and cultural aspects attached to it. In any way, this connection in some cases affects the reason for their bond and also for why they might not get along. In some families the father and son are best of friends while in some they are the worst of enemies.  Here’s taking a look at the issues and problems that cause bad relationships and their solutions.

“A king's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day Simba, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new king.”

-The Lion King

The Lion King must have been at least one parent's all time favorite.  The story of Mufasa and Simba is kind of similar to the history of father-son relationships.  It is usually the norm for the father to groom the sons, teach them new things and probably most importantly, prepare them to fill his shoes.  Since the father is considered to be the breadwinner of the family in most cases, the male child is considered to be the successor to the father’s riches. It is because of this some fathers spend time to create a special relationship with their sons. Although it seems like a norm in society, this is one important factor that builds and strengthens the father-son relationship. In  some cases, getting into the father’s business makes Junior understand his dad better and improve his communication with him and from observing the attitude of his son towards his business, dad could get to know his son’s interests and if his work is one of them. If both have the same interests, this usually builds and strengthens the relationship but if they don’t it could lead to the father being insistent on making his son an heir.  Often times we find that fathers and sons get along when they share the same views about certain aspects of life, they become best friends but turn into worst enemies once they differ in interest.

There are certain factors that make or hinder some family relationships; one is usually a case where unnecessary pressure sets in.  for instance, the idea some fathers pass to their sons is that money is only made in certain professions and this is usually the case in some homes which often result in the child being forced to study a course he has no interest in (for example, a top MD at a bank might want his son to take over his business but his son is more gifted in graphic design). The son is sometimes made to study accounting in school so as to fill in his father’s shoes. Sometimes, to gain his father’s approval he tries his best but soon becomes frustrated because it doesn’t come natural to him, this might make him feel inadequate or pressured since much is expected from him.  In many cases this breeds resentment because the son feels his needs and interests are neglected, he feels uncared for and shows this with arguments or forms of rebellion. Talking such situations through often helps both parties understand each other better. Helping a son find his own path is probably another way of keeping the bond between father and son and in some cases the child could use his talents in another aspect of the father’s business, creativity being the spice of life.

Another factor that influences the father-son relationship is probably different personality traits or the celebrity factor. The celebrity dad could possibly be afraid of his name being tampered or would like to keep his good name so tries to mould his son according to his taste.  Similar to the profession role, the son could probably feel pressured to fill his father’s shoes especially if his personality is different from his father’s.

It is very important to establish a father-Son relationship for mainly peace in the home, to reduce tensions from flying as a result of arrogance from both sides. If they don’t get along the son loses the experience he would have otherwise gained without difficulty and the father would lose the joy of getting to know his son. Getting a positive father-son relationship is often very easy but takes a bit of humility, understanding and proper communication. the son could be a bit more obedient to his father as he has seen and experienced more, the father could be a bit more understanding that Junior wants to be a lawyer not an architect and help him work towards it. He should not shut his son out and issues should be discussed with love and respect.   The daddy-son bond can be further strengthened by going out together more often and alone, playing video games, wrestling and having a good spirit of sportsmanship, not taking things too serious.

“Father, let this cup pass from me, but may your will be done”

Matthew 26:39

Sometimes it can be difficult to create a suitable father-son bond or mend a broken one but an easy example to emulate could be God the Father and Jesus Christ. Christ was obedient unto death and this gained him his kingship in Heaven. At a garden of Gethsemane He spoke to His father but was still submissive to His will. Fathers could create an atmosphere where their sons can express themselves freely, they should hear their sons out and explain with love reasons they take certain decisions so they can understand. Sons could also give parents a chance into their lives, this shows gratitude and one even gains much more from it. They should express themselves politely and everything should be fine. 

As the saying goes

 “Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys”-

Anonymous

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it”

Prov 22:6.