Memoirs of a Bridezilla: My Firery Tale Wedding

Life is truly interesting. When I moved back to Nigeria after my masters program, I moved with the mindset that I shall make an effort to remain single and not marry till I'm 30! (I know, we're quite a few out there lol!)  I came back to do power to the women! but here I am, I married at 26! lol!

hubby and I were friends for about 9 years but started dating the year I returned (jazz! lol). Anyway, After a very simple and sweet proposal (done on my birthday), I knew exactly what I wanted for my wedding. I could already picture the garden lit with fairy lights, transparent chairs and canopies, white Doves hanging and fresh flowers on every table, nicely decorated with pearls and butterflies.  A massive wedding cake, live music, etc. etc. I wanted a fairytale wedding.

Plans commenced swiftly as my sister had gotten married the previous year so everything was still fresh; event planner on standby and vendors were still at my fingertips (I was practically assistant/senior planner for her wedding lol! :-) ), my mum was ever ready to set the ball rolling. My dad was chief coordinator himself lol! he also had what he wanted in his mind but mehn, we had to do family meetings for that one. Hubby and I wanted a small wedding of 300 people max but we had one jaiye parent on each side so a compromise had to be reached for all to be happy at the end.

My bridal train was easy to pick cos I knew exactly who I wanted supporting me on this journey. I had heard too many stories of friends turning bad but I was sure the girls I picked won't have that problem. I decided to choose a friend from a time in my life (Junior secondary, senior secondary, university and masters) I added hubby's cousin to the mix (inlaw bonding started) and my younger sister was my chief bridesmaid.

I had a designer in mind for my wedding dress (the one my older sister used) but there was a little confusion with her outfit at the time, so to avoid wahala I just got a neutral person to handle my dress. The best part of this decision was that it was half the price and still beautiful.

Preparations commenced and everything was pretty much straightforward so I don't really have much to say about the process, everyone was happy with the cost of things (well, some of the costs lol) and I didn't have wahala with my girls cos they supported when necessary.  I became a bridezilla when the following happened:

I had ordered and planned my bridesmaid dresses up to 3 months before my wedding. I didn't want it to be as if we were fighting with the designer who did my sister's dresses so I asked her to handle the bridesmaid's dresses. I cut costs drastically and asked that nothing should be shipped, I made sure all materials were bought here so we didn't need to incur unnecessary costs. omo, I felt like this annoyed the babe cos the bridesmaids' dresses were not ready on time and when I saw how they looked during the fitting I was so upset! I started shouting and crying cos I really wanted them to be perfect. My sister called the designer to speak to her about it and she said they weren't finished that was why they looked that way. once I heard that I just flared up! I said "its a lie jo! its because I didn't spend much and I'm not a celebrity, if I was you would have taken it seriously" see drama that night o! I sent the dresses back and was contemplating buying another set of clothes but after some back and forth I just freed and thankfully the dresses came out pretty at the end.

For wedding preparations, I was so caught up with the white wedding and kind of left my parents in charge of the trad but I was planning everything so much that it seemed like my people just left me to handle certain things. Would you believe on the traditional wedding day, there were no chairs! that's how people were standing o! me I was at the salon doing my hair as all the crase was happening! when I came back iI just saw the wedding planner taking serious heat from my dad, workers were hiding to dodge his fury, meehn! that day I was lucky this happened at the beginning when there were few guests and dad handled it quickly as he had a rental company on speed dial so they provided chairs, me I just went to hide to get dressed and resolved to really check every other thing.

After that incident, I really felt bad and thought that maybe I was a bit too controlling during the period' so I decided to let go a little and let my people and the planner handle it. I decided to focus on my friends so I got them spa vouchers and organized a spa get together, we also had an engagement party and this really helped ease the tension. I also asked my fiance how he was doing, I realized I got so carried away with planning what I wanted that I forgot there were some things he wanted to. We had a serious discussion on a lot of things and I finally concluded I had to chill on planning.

The wedding day came and everything looked perfect! just as I had pictured it... till we got back from church and saw a carnival waiting for us. Upon our discussion, our parents still invited the whole world! at this point  I just decided to dance my way into marriage because the deed had already been done, will I start sending people away? who born me? lool! the good thing about it was they were a lovely crowd, the MC cracked us up so bad and the crowd really made it a great day.

After the reception, I went to hubby's family house for blessings (something done in the Yoruba culture) while my bridal party went clubbing ( rockers united!)

when I look back I'm just so grateful for the little things. After the whole "fairytale wedding" drama, at the end of the day what really touched me was how family and friends put up with me, all the diva attitude, everything. I had a bridesmaid who cut her vacation short to be at my wedding, with all the Ebola wahala at the time, my English Friend braved it all to come to Nigeria. Its so easy to forget the financial sacrifices our parents also make. Yes, they are happy to plan but one needs to be truly grateful to have such support.

  Honestly if you have good people in your life, just cherish them.

So I guess I might have been a little bridezilla .lol!

Memoirs of a Bridezilla: Here comes the Pride

 To Be frank, I never thought I would get married so soon, At a time I had a bit of a complex, I never thought I was pretty enough to lock down a guy but after I dated my boo for a year and saw this rock solid massive diamond on my finger I realised that beauty is only skin deep.

I had loads of model looking friends (so you can guess where the insecurity came from) who always
got noticed and toasted everywhere we went, I was usually the lets- talk- to –her- to -get -to her- friend girl so you can imagine the surprise from most of my friends when they heard I was dating and now engaged. I got nice texts from everyone and because of how happy they made me feel I decided to have an engagement party, it went on very well but I noticed I spent most of the time as a mannequin stretching out my (aching) finger as the girls admired my ring. I liked the attention for a bit but I got quite tired as all what they talked about was how large the diamond was, they barely even asked me how he proposed.

Wedding plans began swiftly, after the turnout of the engagement party and the numerous texts I got, I realised that my bridal train could not comprise of only 6 people so I decided to have 12 bridesmaids (the more the merrier!) I chose a childhood friend as my maid of honour and I had no flower girls (mum said e don do). My fiancé didn’t mind and set out to find his matching 12 groomsmen hoping they would step up to the gorgeous ladies I had on my train. 

Hmm, aso ebi… this was very hard to decide as all my friends had their own ideas and colours. I didn’t have a clue about how it was done so I left it for them to decide, after much arguments and rolling of eyes we all agreed on baby pink and grey. After that was settled, One of my friends took me to a lady who sold really lovely material, She charged 25k for 3 yards and since I didn’t know how the aso ebi p works I asked my friend what she thought and she said it was ok. Although I thought it was quite expensive I ordered it, I guess I wanted my girls to look beautiful and as my friend said, they would buy it as long as it’s me. Of course aso ebi for my mum was off my hands amongst other things. She sorted hall, décor, food, photography and videography. My mum is sort of an event planner so I didn’t need to get one and I know she has good taste so I didn’t worry one bit. My father-in-law to be was the most active from my fiance’s side, he footed the bill for many things and made sure he had something to do. He sorted out music, entertainment and refreshments. For a while I was concerned about my mother-in-law to be’s attitude towards the wedding because she did not do much, one day I nicely approached her about it telling her I would love her input in everything. I’m happy I did that because she hugged me and explained that she had been a bit controlling in the past weddings of her other children that she did not want to offend me like she did the others. I explained to her that I wouldn’t mind (hoping she won’t overdo it) as long as she was part of the preparations and from then on she became quite active and careful, sometimes even calling me to ask for approval for certain things, it was a nice feeling also because everyone was more or less on the same page and I didn’t have to worry much.

1 month to wedding day and only 3 people had bought aso ebi. This was very discouraging because I had ordered 30, (do the math). For the traditional wedding all my bridesmaids were meant to wear it while for the white my other friends were meant to wear it. No bridesmaid had bought except my maid of honour, even the one who took me to the lady had not bought. I had sent broadcast messages like twice already so I didn’t want it to be as if I was pestering anyone.

Hmm, that’s how I just accidentally went for one party one day o, I made friends with a group of girls and we got talking about marriage, aso ebi gist came up and they started talking prices. One asked where to get at an affordable price, I then told her about where I ordered mine. “ha! That expensive woman!” the other said “never buy from her o! she’s for senators and money miss road people” I felt her comment was a bit off and tried to justify myself by telling her that the lady’s  material was good. Another girl who knew the same woman explained to me that I would see her material in Balogun market for a cheaper price. What pained me was when she was like “ don’t make your aso ebi too expensive so that your friends can afford it. A friend of mine was telling me that one girl is doing wedding and she is selling aso ebi 3 yards for 25k! omo all her friends agreed they were not going to buy!” kai! Could this be me? “what is the colour of the girl’s aso ebi” I asked “I think she said something like pink and grey, they said the babe just wants to chop their money, that’s she’s joking if she thinks they would  buy” I had heard enough! To follow up I made sure I got her name and her friend’s name only to find out that it was one of the girls on my train who said it! So much for friends.

That night I called the babe and blasted her. She was just stuttering on the phone, small world isn’t it. She started apologising that it wasn’t like that and that she was broke and didn’t know how to tell me. I vexed ehn, I then asked her about the others and told her she better tell me what the others had been saying. She talked and talked, I was just shaking my head. Imagine what these girls were saying, didn’t I ask for advice before I went to the woman? Dint I ask one of them to help? I just freed and told them to pay 15k for it, my loss but o well.

Upon what I did for these ungrateful girls they couldn’t have the decency to thank me or even try and help a bit more with wedding plans. On fitting day I practically had to beg them to show up. Whats the problem? Why Is everyone acting funny all of a sudden? After the fitting I decided not to even bother about them anymore, I decided to focus on other things and that was when I found out that our wedding rings were stolen! For a few days I noticed my fiancé was a bit uneasy when we were together but I was so caught up in complaining about friends that he thought it best not tell me. I was quite upset because we customised those rings and this was already a few days to the wedding. My hubby’s dad decided to help with getting another one customised and paid for express delivery! I was so overjoyed! At least one major problem solved.

Everything was set and ready 2 days to the big day, my mum knew my taste to a fault and it was amazing! We had paid all vendors and sorted out everything, we had no issue with dress or cake or food… anything! We even got a chance to do a wedding rehearsal and  It was like a dream come true seeing the beautiful programme, a pic of the gorgeous cake, our wedding rings (even nicer than the first) and of course my wedding dress (seen just by me of course) I was just too happy that one thing had to spoil my joy.

Night before wedding I told all my bridesmaids to sleep over so we would get to church on time, some said they wont be able to make it and I couldn’t have that, if it was just 3 or 4 people coming from different places it’s a different case but 12 people? It would almost be impossible to get everyone ready on time.
7pm…nobody, 8pm…nobody, 9pm… 2 showed up  “ girls, how far now, whats happening?” they explained how they were stuck in traffic and how the others should be here in a bit, (in bridesmaids world the traffic from mainland to Island at 9pm was very bad and from Ajah to V.I was jam packed) I dint say anything.

At the end only 3 bridesmaids came, we had dinner and I tried to act as ok as possible. After a while I began to think… before wedding these girls were always around me, we would hang out and all, I was there when they needed me and I never felt bad when any of them disappointed me, nobody is perfect right? But come o, this is my wedding we’re talking about not my birthday or Christmas party! I began to see the signs… The only person that was truly there was my maid of honour, she paid full price for aso ebi, bought bridesmaid dress, helped a lot with prep and even came on time for sleep over. That’s when it dawned on me that I put the wrong people on my train and for the wrong reasons. Maybe it was because I wanted to show my fine friends off, maybe I felt I would look beautiful enough and I needed a group of beauties to boost my wedding self confidence. I really looked deep into myself and realised that my issues where really deep.
“ ehen, forgot to even tell you…” one of the girls butt in my train of thoughts, she asked me to invite one of my friends who said She wasn’t going to come for the wedding unless I invited her personally.  I couldn’t help but burst into laughter! Its one thing if this girl was an acquaintance e.g former classmate or so, this girl was my friend. she was my number 1 partner in Uni, we were as close as her even helping me with wedding preparation. This so called friend of mine did not even send a text to say congratulations when she heard I was engaged, she told me through another friend of mine. This is the same girl I could almost break my back for… it then dawned on me that my self esteem issues really showed and many took advantage of it, so from that moment I made a decision.

Wedding day came and I was as jumpy as a ping pong ball, I told my make up artist I wanted to look as natural as possible and even changed my wedding hairstyle from curly brazillian to natural kinky, I decided to make a statement for myself. The other bridesmaids came 1 hour before leaving time and I told all of them to not bother, they were shocked “nawa o, is it because your’e even getting married before me” one said,  “your statement just buttressed my reasons” and I left with my maid of honour and the 3 bridesmaids that came the night before.

Imagine you focusing your whole wedding on friends, its ridiculous. I used them as my source of social energy and self worth, like I wasn’t a beautiful person unless I had them around. It was quite interesting seeing a train filled with men but it didn’t matter and we had a lot of fun taking hilarious pictures.  At the reception my hubby said I looked as beautiful as ever and he loved my look! He asked about the train and I quickly explained everything to him, I thought he would tell me I over reacted but he smiled and simply said:

“I’m glad you did”.

Although I wouldn’t really call myself a bridezilla but I would say one thing: don’t linger with friends because are attractive or because they make you think they make you feel beautiful, look in the mirror and see your true friend and if your bridal train decides to mess up close to the big day, shenk them jare! Your wedding will still be fun!

                                                  

Memoirs of a Bridezilla: 50 shades of Bad

You know when you’ve been planning your perfect wedding in your head, you work towards doing exactly what’s in there, you’re making progress, then people get in the way… in fact, VENDORS get in the way!

Why can’t vendors just deliver? They promise you Heaven on Earth, their mouth is sweet to give you big price but when the time comes they show themselves! If not for my wedding planner I would have… in fact ehn… let me just calm down.

It was God who picked my love; it was very difficult to choose him at the time because I had many suitors who pointed towards marriage so I was at a point where I just had to pray for God to show me the way and He selected the best of them all!

Our parents got along very well and luckily my mother-in-law made it clear to all that the wedding was my own and whatever I said should be done! It was so heart-warming and quite a relief to hear that from her because I was then sure I wouldn’t have any major family problems as my mum too felt the same way.

My wedding colour was themed 50 shades of Blue (catchy right?) and coincidentally blue was in that season so nobody had any excuse not to come dressed in it. I didn’t even mind my bridal train dressed in the same colour, in fact my reception dress was going to be in Blue as well and I was sure the different shades would give the hall a really cool look!

Planning started off quickly as I made the best choice of making my close friend the wedding planner, she was very efficient and had everything sorted on time. She knew exactly what I wanted so I didn’t really stress myself, I was quite calm all the way. I wasn’t going to break the bank so we cut costs on a lot of things and got good deals for others, this thoroughly convinced me that you can get all you want for your wedding with a small budget.

There was no hitch as such and this was quite comforting. All I needed to do was call, ask how far and everything was fine. After a while I didn’t pay much attention to wedding prep and focused more on work (there’s life after wedding) but mehn, would you believe I forgot to order my wedding dress and accessories? I totally forgot that was not a wedding planner job! I had to sort that out about 2 weeks to the wedding then I remembered I had to also make sure the bridal party was sorted too.

Two weeks to wedding day is definitely too short a time to sort out bridal apparel, I started feeling the stress going from shop to shop looking for the perfect dress. My consolation for the wahala was that I ordered the dresses for my bridal train on time so I didn’t think that would be a problem and to ease stress I decided to get them closer to the day…

Big bad massive mistake!

5 days to my wedding and bridal dresses were not ready! I wanted to break somebody’s head (the tailor!). When it was finally finished it was horrible! Terrible! I was already drained by having to visit each bridesmaid to fit, only to see that the dresses were either too big or too small! Didn’t this woman take measurements? Was she sleeping? At this point I was as hot as a boiling pot! I stormed to the tailor’s cried and yelled at her! All she could do was beg me to “no vex” as if “no vex” will re-sew the dresses and get them ready by Saturday! Sadly I had to get another set made somewhere else on express, imagine the money I would have saved.

The clothes drama was too overwhelming for me so I really hoped for a smooth wedding day but sadly fate had other plans. I really wanted to see my fiancé take one of the readings at mass so I did everything possible to get ready on time on the day. Only for me to rush to the car and find them still decorating it. I wanted to find other means of transport but they kept saying they were almost done. They were almost done made me 15 mins late to church! I got there after all the readings, I couldn’t even do a proper walk down the aisle and my hubby wasn’t even smiling. It was so upsetting, I wanted to just start crying. I started thinking maybe I should have paid more attention to plans and detail, the wedding planner can only do so much. I wished I could turn back the hands of time especially for the church but life is not considerate like that. At least once my love saw me proper he smiled and held my hand tightly, that one was ok for me and I took it as a form of understanding and comfort.

We did the regular taking of pictures after mass and headed off to the reception. See me see trouble oh! When we got there they refused to let us in, they said we hadn’t paid the balance for the hall, something that we spent almost a whole day doing till we paid! They said they dint see it, omo! My husband charged! He yelled at them to better open the hall, the guy was still there speaking Phonetics till my hubby stormed out of the car to go and open the hall door. When the manager saw commotion was when she knew she would come and find out what was happening, she confirmed we had paid and apologised for the mix up. This just kept me wondering where this other guy came from. Anyway, he was definitely not important on my big day.

The décor was not as magical as I expected it to be but it was ok, I was happy some people put the effort to come in my dress code and just sighed at those who didn’t even try, besides I had had enough drama in one day to start thinking of guests like that, I just wanted to have fun and go to my new home. Although there were some mishaps many things made up for it; the DJ was too on point giving us jams from the past, present and future, the food flowed well and drinks kept everyone very happy, the reception was so much fun that my mum had to beg the DJ to stop playing because people refused to go home, they were still dancing at past 8 and were ready to turn the hall into a club!

At last the guests decided to continue the party in their various homes and I was whisked away to a lovely hotel weekend getaway with my husband. The day went so well that it felt like nothing happened.

My advice to brides to be is GET A SENSIBLE TAILOR! CHECK YOUR DRESSES AT LEAST 1 MONTH BEFORE WEDDING! And yeah, BUY WEDDING DRESS ON TIME

If not you would become a screaming bridezilla like me!

Memoirs of a Bridezilla: The In-Laws' Wedding

I don’t believe in breaking the bank for a wedding, there is forever after that! Forever house rent/maintenance, forever fees and forever bills to pay so if you can save on your wedding that would be very wise indeed.

Of course we have what we want in our heads and our parents have what THEY want, double that and you have 4 parents wanting what they want. I didn’t think this would be a problem for a bit because at the end of the day we are the ones getting married, so I was certain a few boundaries could be made…. Apparently not in an Ibo wedding!

she was almost like her

 I attempted to plan my wedding myself but my mother-in-law had her own plans. She brought in a wedding planner which I wasn’t too happy about but reached a compromise by taking off a few duties from her and by letting her know she was only hired to help and not run the show. My fiancé didn’t care much about colour code so I picked it. I picked Green and Gold but once again, mother-in-law had her own colours. She said we should do Blue as this was her son’s favourite colour (but your son said he’s cool with Green and Gold? He’s not complaining!) I really did not want colour riot so I reached another compromise of Teal and Gold; at least there’s a bit of blue in there. I started suspecting this Mother-in-law of mine with the way she kept on objecting my wishes and I had to make sure my hubby told her we had discussed everything and agreed as a couple that this was what we wanted, I mean she can choose her aso ebi? She can handle food? That’s what the mothers do right? Hmm! This is my wedding o! I won’t even agree!

The Hall we chose was already decorated so it cut costs for us. The wedding planner didn’t want to agree that it was fine enough and even offered to decorate it. I explained to her I was content with the décor but she was adamant and of course with backing from the in-laws I had to listen. Ok I decided to hear what she had to say, after all the (boring) ideas she put forward she now added insult upon injury by charging 1 million Naira for it! Say wetin happen! That décor in that hall cost 400k! Needless to say the conversation ended there.

I was beginning to get fed up of the barging in and changing of things by my fiancé’s siblings and it was weighing me down, I thought many times of just talking to his mum like a daughter to a mother but I didn’t know how to go about it without probably offending her. Is there a polite way of saying “back off”? Because that’s how I felt anytime she spoke about one thing or the other that I didn’t like. My family members on the other hand were very helpful and supportive. My ever efficient sister was my chief bridesmaid and she handled the job very well. My wedding dress was on point, the bridesmaids dresses were stunning and cloth matter was sorted, my sister handled everything beauty, even make up (she did my make up for the wedding) so at least I was happy about that.

Some of my friends dint try sha, they wanted to use me to pay their shop rent. I asked one to do cocktails for me and she charged 285 Naira per head whereas a total stranger gave me for 170 Naira per head. Even as I told her to reduce for me she was doing shakara, Na so friendship be? For my other friend I just told her I wanted beads, I didn’t dare mention wedding so that she won’t charge me and when she found out it was too late (hehe).

For a while plans went smoothly, no interruptions, no new ideas. The wedding planner faced her own and I faced my own. It was looking like we were all getting along till we had a mini family meeting; my parents and I wanted to contribute to paying for some of the expenses of the wedding and my sister-in-law dared to ask “where will you get the money from?” I began to boil! I explained to her that it wasn’t a problem, we talked about number of guests and I calmly explained we did not want too many guests, mother-in-law just charged in “come, this wedding is not your own o! This is my first and only son and you will see many people there whether you like it or not! This is our wedding, we foot the bill, we do everything, you go and get yourself ready and present yourself to your husband, go and look fine, finish!” kai!  “HOW DARE YOU INSULT US! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! THIS IS MY WEDDING NOT YOURS AND DEFINITELY NOT YOUR BUSH VILLAGE PEOPLE STILL LIVING IN ANCIENT TIMES! I WILL DO WHATEVER I WANT AND YOU WILL SIT BACK AND ACCEPT EVERYTHING! NOW, GET OUT!

In America I’m sure I could have said that but here, (lol) hmm! I still wanted to marry sha. I just took everything in and poured out my frustration to hubby. He completely understood and even spoke to his people on my behalf, with that they chilled small, sigh.

Wedding day came and I was up by 6am! Even though mass was at 9 I wasn’t taking any chances. I was dressed and ready by 8 with full make up on. The hairstylist came late but everything was still on track as my able chiefo yelled at her and kept her on her toes to finish making the bridal party’s hair on time. I dint wait for all that o, I already started finding my way to the rented Limo as my priority at that point was to have a majestic father-daughter walk down the aisle. As I went downstairs I was already imagining how I will come out of this limo in elegance and glamour, looking posh posing for photographs… my daydream shattered to pieces as I saw the bonnet of the limo open and the driver fanning smoke out of it! I just broke down and started crying. Like seriously! Today of all days! My sister tried to pacify me half upset I almost messed up my makeup. At the end we had to use the photographer’s car to get to church and I cried almost all the way! The photographer kept consoling me and my sister kept trying to revamp my face. I was too sad and the only thing that could change that was if I got to the church on time. Luckily I got there at the nick of time and could have my majestic walk, seeing my fresh fiancé also lit up my heart and limo problem automatically wiped from my memory.

I thought the drama ended in the morning only to get to the reception and see some funny shaped rubbish hanging from the ceiling of the already beautifully decorated hall! This had wedding planner written all over it! After I told her I dint want her décor she went behind my back to get it done! I just freed cos it was too late to do anything about it. Even the other services she promised to provide she didn’t, it was just all in the book, see ushers scanty, people complaining they hadn’t eaten ( I even chuckled at that one, shebi I said not too many guests) where was the famous dessert table? All her talk was wash! Our MC decided to act his own play during the wedding. During negotiation stage he charged us 40k o, we told him ok go and check the venue, he didn’t, that’s how he started vexing at the reception that he should have charged us more as he didn’t know the wedding was big like that especially after seeing the huge hall. He started throwing tantrums talking about charging 200k but of course it was too late so my hubby’s friend helped us handle him by paying his balance and sending him off.

Apart from all that, the day was beautiful! The church was beautifully decorated and I got all the glamorous pictures I wanted! The DJ was on point and made everyone turn up! After everything I was so happy that it was as If nothing bad happened, I even hugged and played with my mother-in-law and hubby’s sisters like we never had issues and forgave the limo guy for messing my morning up. I got a chance to take a ride and it was lovely! As we drove to our new home in this beautifully decorated romantic back seat, I thanked God for a successful day and for finally joining me to the man of my dreams!

My advice to Brides everywhere is never to let anything upset you on your big day, just laugh and smile through it all! Also always keep food for your bridal party because ushers tend to forget they exist.

And there you have it, a moderate turned happy Bridezilla!

Memoirs of a Bridezilla: Thrifty Hubby

I wouldn't say I was much of a bridezilla but I guess there were some brief moments I yelled or something. I had no worries with planning my wedding because my sister is a wedding planner and she helped me for free, my hubby was also of tremendous help and took charge of many things. It was a stress free division of labour. I didn't want to be left out in all the fun (plus I had my own ideas) so I sorted out the venue, decor, cake, my dress (of course), the bridal party outfits and Aso Ebi . My ever active hubby took care of our wedding ride, drinks, rings, photo and video coverage, we were like the 3 musketeers for wedding planning! I must commend my husband because he was so on point, he was very good at cutting costs and slashing down prices! who would have thought you could bring a wedding cake down from 400k to 150k!


I wanted an all white theme with a bit of Teal and champagne and a touch of Emerald Green and Peach but mum had her own plans and added Orange and Lemon. sadly I could not debate it and just prayed hers wont clash with mine.
I chose 10 friends as bridesmaids  and wanted all of them to wear a particular style of dress. I got a tailor to sew it and made sure everyone took their measurements. They all promised to be cooperative, they even went for fitting on time, the dresses looked good and from that moment I was certain nothing could go wrong there.
My other friends were also of great help, they assisted in following up with planning and helped to make sure everything was in place, I couldn't think of anything that could go wrong because all hands were on deck and it looked like it would be a perfect day...
Till a week to the wedding...
One of my bridesmaids decided to opt out for no concrete reason! it was so annoying because I wanted 10 bridesmaids and it was going to be difficult to get someone to take her place. I cursed the babe ehn, luckily for me another friend of mine was ready to help and even paid for the outfit on time.
On the wedding day I got a beautiful surprise from my hubby, he rented a limo for our wedding car, it was so grand! I was so happy about it that I jumped out of my dad's jeep and ran into it!
The Mass was good and after it all I was on cloud 9! my bridesmaids looked lovely but the "new girl" altered her dress and I wanted everything the same. I just freed cos she came through when I needed a friend.
I was also a bit irritated about the hall decor, I guess because my hubby butchered her price quote she decided not to cover the ceiling fully like we discussed, I just had to make myself ignore it.


I wanted the DJ to play most of the time but one Ibo band just kept drowning the guy! I almost went to ask "how far you guys na", they were just killing the groove! the DJ I was even lobbying for  did something very interesting; as the reception was still going on he carried his leg to walk up to the stage to ask me, the bride for his balance! on the high table o! trust my hubby to take control, me I just eyed him and he got the message.

Apart from all that, the wedding went very well. I'm very grateful to my ever supportive family and friends, that's all you need at the end of the day to plan a successful wedding.


So you can see I wasn't much of a bridezilla :)

Memoirs of Bridezilla: Where is the Groom?

Sigh, I don't even know where to start and to be honest its God that made that day happen because
after all I went through it was enough for me to say "I'm not doing again" but who am I kidding? I wanted to marry this man with all my heart! when he finally proposed I felt like my life was complete. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't desperate  to get married and I was of a reasonable age (27) so it was more like I wanted to quickly begin forever with him.

Anyway wedding plans commenced, of course my mother was more than happy that her first wedding was here and at this point my fiance could do no wrong, he could do no wrong in my eyes too but there was just one one thing I told him would get me very upset; I told him I did not want him to have a Bach Eve! I knew he had crazy friends and I did not want him missing on the wedding day! he laughed at me and said that I watched "The Hangover" too many times but promised he wont so I felt I had nothing to fear.

Preparations were done by a wedding planner I got from a friend who said she was very good. I told her all I wanted and hoped she would deliver. I couldn't be 100 percent part of it because of work but I got her to update me once in a while and my sisters also helped to follow up. My colours were royal Blue and burnt Orange and I wanted the decor to be all white so that the colours would stand out. The wedding planner suggested Cream or Champagne but I insisted on white, she continued to push her cream agenda, I said I wanted White because it was classy, she pushed on so I eyed her and she got the message. My mum too had her own plans, she had her own decor colour and her aso ebi colour was clashing with mine! "Orange and pink don't go!" I had to tell her a million times and I hoped she listened because she would say "ok" one day then on another day I'd hear her say "aso ebi ni Pink ati Blue" (Our aso ebi is Pink and Blue). After a while I had to sit her down and tell her I did not want to see Pink (of course in a polite way, lol) I told her she could do Lemon Green and Light Blue and at last she finally agreed. After much thinking of the colour combo, I told the wedding planner I changed my mind to Blue. I wanted everything to be baby blue because it seemed like it would fit all our colours and so colour chapter was closed. My Bridesmaids were to wear Gold dresses, I wanted all of them looking glamorous while the groomsmen were to wear Gold bow ties with Navy Blue suits. I didn't have any problem with tailor or delivery because I prepared their outfits 4 months before the wedding, I hounded her every 2 weeks and my ever cooperative bridesmaids went for fitting on time.

Everything went smoothly really. There wasn't really any hitch as the wedding planner was quite on top of her game and my family and friends were very supportive. Since I told my fiance I did not want him to have a Bach Eve, I decided we should have an engagement party so I would not have a bridal shower. We rented a Bar and Lounge for the night, had food and loads of drinks and danced the night away, it was a lot of fun! A week to the wedding I tried on my wedding dress and it was beautiful, by that time everything was so organised that I could even move the date 2 days forward and there would have been no hitch!

About 3 days to the wedding my friends hijacked me straight from work, got me a dress and took me out for Hen night. I felt a bit bad as I had made a deal with my fiance about separate parties but they explained to me that they had planned it a long time ago and could not cancel. Men, that night was wild! my dress was quite flirty and my friends went round Lagos wearing bunny ears and tails in black shorts and tank tops with Pink writing that read "hen night". Of course we got a lot of attention (lol) I'm sure some people would have said we brought oyinbo behaviour to Nigeria! I planned to tell my fiance about it after the wedding so that he wont be too upset with me, at least I danced with just the girls and didn't hire any stripper, whats the worst that could have happened?

A night to the wedding everyone was settled at my place and excited about the big day. My friends also slept over and we almost gisted the night away till I remembered I needed to look refreshed on the day of all days! Before going to bed I wanted to hear my fiance's voice and tell him how much I loved him before he became a Mr. so I excused myself and went to one tiny shed in the compound. Giggling like a little child I dialled his number...

The number you're calling is switched off",  ha! I tried again, same thing! I tried like 10 times and got the same response. I then tried his best man's number and another of his groomsmen and both were just ringing. I was furious! "where have they carried my husband to oh!" was all I was shouting, night before the wedding o! It frightened me a lot because our parents had already warned us to not move around anyhow during the wedding period and at that point I thought of all sorts of things that could have been happening to him. I went inside the house nervous and frantic, pacing up and down, I got my mum to call his parents to find out if they had heard from him that day, they said the last time was around 4pm which was around the same time I had last heard from him too. I just said to myself, of all the things to go wrong! I would have even preferred tailor wahala to this nonsense. I just started crying and crying, calling and calling his number... still switched off. My friends calmed me down and told me not to worry, that they were sure everything would be fine at the end, they were also like maybe his friends planned a bachelor's eve for him too, "which kin stupid Bach Eve, less than 24 hours to your wedding? what rubbish is that! what nonsense!" after wailing I eventually went to bed and just prayed that he was ok.

Omo, morning of wedding day, everyone was in church, I was even ready to go in, father holding me in hand and groom had not yet arrived! grooms men nowhere to be found! "I said it, I said it, when I say no Bach Eve its as if I'm controlling, see now!" I started crying buckets that my dad had to help dab away the tears so it didn't spoil my make up. After waiting for a while I just had to be walked in as the priest said it was getting late. 5 minutes after I walked down the aisle, as the mass was about to start, groomsmen rushed in with my husband behind them. They walked briskly to take their seats and he hurriedly walked to stand beside me. He knew he was in big trouble not just from me but from almost everyone there and to top it all up he was reeking of alcohol! I just started crying again, I quietly told him I wasn't going to marry him in that state that he should go and cleanse himself before joining to me, he quietly begged me to forgive him that he was set up by his friends. The church was so quiet that it was possible the congregation could tell I was about to leave, what saved my fiance was that the priest started the mass and chipped in some things about responsibility and forgiveness in the homily, mehn, easier said than done!

The reception was very nice and a lot of fun. I didn't talk to any of the groomsmen especially the best man, he tried to apologise a couple of times but I just turned my head and formed talking to someone, see me feeling guilty for doing Hen Night whereas this was much worse. Throughout the reception my husband was just begging me explaining that his friends hijacked him. He even felt more remorse when some guests came and said "don't suffer this girl in marriage o" or "what you did was wrong o" or "Bride entering before groom is abomination o". I was quite irritated by the comments but also happy they shared my pain, I also felt bad for him because I saw he was truly sorry. People make mistakes and deserve a second chance especially those you love so  I finally forgave him and after the wedding he made it up to me in a million ways and others I cant discuss here (lol).

We're living happily ever after and I'm so happy I chose him,

I wasn't that much of a bridezilla, was I?

Memoirs of bridezilla: The Servant Bride

Hmm... of all the people in the world I was certain I would not be a bridezilla, not in a million years because I don't like trouble. I'd rather leave you to do whatever you want than cause an argument or a debate, its just so much wahala!

That was my mind frame o, till they showed me pepper and I realised I had a Banshee inside me!

My proposal was really sweet; it was nothing special as we didn't travel to any expensive location or have a party, it was just a lovely sunny day by the beach. we walked hand in hand sinking our feet into the sand of the washed up shore, a few poetic words were said and an "I do" was very much in place.
Our parents were more than happy to hear we were finally getting married as we dated for quite a while (8 years). My aunties (of course) always used to say that I was not getting any younger and my friends often made me feel like he was holding me down, "dump him jare, no time" or "he's playing with you o! he'll soon go and marry one small girl". I was under so much pressure at one time that I almost gave in but later realized that God's time is the best and He did it for me.

Preparations took off immediately and the date was set for 6 months after the proposal (sharp sharp). It was as if my mother had been fantasizing about it for years because she was already 2 steps ahead with venue, decor, catering etc. I didn't mind for a while but when I saw she wanted to book Shina Peters and Daddy Showkey I was like "nah mehn, lets save that money biko". I then had to step in with my demands on the colours I wanted, the cake, my wedding dress and other things.

I had these group of friends that were my girls since Uni, they were my sisters and confidants and I usually didn't make a big decision without checking with them first. Everything I did somewhat evolved around their approval and I was very happy they endorsed my relationship when it started. Obviously all 6 of them were chosen to be my bridesmaids but my close cousin was maid of honour to avoid fight. I dont know if I expected too much but when I told these friends of mine I was getting married their responses were quite cold, "ehen... congrats... " he actually did? congrats". I dont know but what do you think? I guess I just wished there was a bit more enthusiasm in the replies. Even for wedding preparation they were barely supportive, it was only one of them who called  once or twice and even when I asked if she could help with something she said she was busy with work. Anyhow, I tried to ignore their funny behaviour and continued on my own.
My mum was on a roll! she sorted every single thing from cake to DJ to MC, Alaga, photography, videography gbo gbo e, it was as if she had all of them on speed dial from the moment I introduced her to my hubby! everyday she would go and meet up with one vendor or the other, negotiate and place down payment. Before I used to think that she was overexcited and rushing things because he was from a wealthy family but I remembered that I was the first marriage in the family and the only girl. At first I enjoyed the luxury of a mum wedding planner but after a while she became a bit controlling, saying things like "this dress is not nice jo, choose the one that is full like a ball gown"(and she knew I wanted something A-line) or " ah! mba! aso ebi is good, it will make the place colourful and your friends will want to buy" (after I had said I did not want aso ebi but just a general colour) "ehn, say wetin? general colour ke? Aso ebi jare, different colours!" after a while I just started keeping quiet, I guess it wasn't such a big deal for me to argue.

3 weeks to the wedding and I was far from excited. The only people who seemed supportive were my control mum, my cousins and a few good friends but they were not the ones I really wanted to support me, where were my "big 6"? my real paddies? nowhere to be found! I started thinking maybe it was because I did not spend enough time with them but that was even difficult to do as I had to follow my mum everywhere, I then organised a girls night out so we could all meet up but got a text full of excuses, only one of them showed up and I felt really bad, I just hoped it was because they were busy or that they had already planned a bridal shower for me and that was why they didn't show.

1 week to the wedding and no bridal shower, no hen night. A little consolation was the lunch and cinema my cousins took me to and although it meant a lot I was still hurt. To top it up I felt my mum was the bride because I hardly had a say in anything and it was becoming too much and I knew at one point in time I was going to break!

on the day we went for the final fitting of my wedding dress (the ugly one I didn't like) I saw a pretty A-line dress on one of the dummies in the bridal shop, it was so beautiful! I told my mum I really liked the dress but she was like "honey you already have one" I kept quiet. They brought the dress, I tried it on and still did not like it. While mum was talking to the manager I just kept staring at the dress on the mannequin; the beautiful lace detail and the lovely flowing flared bottom. I had always felt this would suit me being a tall person than a ball gown... I broke into tears! I mean is it fair for a bride to be treated like a nobody for her own wedding? her opinions should matter now? mum then said " sweetie did you hear what she said? she's given us a free bridal hair comb!" she broke into my train of thoughts and I didn't know when I said "I don't like this dress" she replied "ehn but its-" "I DON'T WANT THIS DRESS AH AN! I'VE BEEN SAYING IT SINCE! GOSH!!!" there was silence. still pumped with adrenaline I took off the horrid one and went to try the one I had been eyeing all day, it fit like it was made for me! I told my mum that I wont be forced to wear something I didn't want  and even the manager and sales girls had to admit I looked better in the A line. mum did not say a word but showed her approval with a nod  and made the necessary changes in the transaction, I was so happy and felt joy for the first time in a very long while. I later apologized for yelling and explained to her how I really felt about many things, she felt bad and tried to make amends with the few days left, I was touched by her efforts and hugged her many times because I knew she was just trying to help and for that I was truly grateful.
The traditional wedding day was very successful and alas my big 6 finally turned up and showed some support by dancing with me when needed. I was so overjoyed that I forgave them for not planning a bridal shower and I had a little energy after the ceremony so I considered a hen night. After freshening up I went to meet them and saw they were looking gloomy and dull. I asked if they were ok and even offered to bring food and drinks in case they didn't get anything to eat. I went to get drinks and some food, even when I returned they were still seated looking (possibly eyeing me), I even asked what was wrong and they barely answered, that was when I had had it, I banged the tray on the table and exploded! " WHAT THE F*** IS ALL THIS! WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS ARE YOU? OVER THE YEARS I'VE SERVED YOU, I'VE SUPPORTED YOU THROUGH THICK AND THIN AND THIS IS WHAT I GET ON MY OWN WEDDING?? I ranted and screamed, cried and yelled so loud that everyone in the house knew I was talking to wicked ungrateful girls. after a while the parlor was filled with amebos and they all felt embarrassed, I was so pissed I just concluded with " GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! DON'T COME FOR MY WEDDING!" I damned the consequences, I told myself I would rather have no bridesmaids than jealous, envious ones. what else would have caused such a behaviour? and to confirm it my cousin later told me that she overheard them gossiping about me saying that they couldn't believe I was getting married before them as they thought I was the least attractive in the group. One even said that as fine as she was my fiance picked me instead of her, I cried ehn, can you imagine having such toxic girls around you for years and not even realizing it?

 3 of them called to apologize the night before the white wedding and begged to be put back on the train so I forgave them. Out of the other 3, one sent me a nasty text while the other 2 texted me a few days after the wedding but I didn't see it till after my marvelous 1 month honeymoon! quite frankly I didn't care what they had to say, I enjoyed the white wedding too much to care. it was a beautiful day! my mum did very well with everything she organised and I even thought to myself that maybe it was even good she controlled everything (except my dress sha). I didn't get many gifts (I'm sure it was because of  the overpriced aso ebi) but it was a nice, jovial crowd.

Most importantly I'm married to my other half and I can never have felt better!

so... yeah!

Memoirs of a Bridezilla: Nightmare in Paris

its probably not really common to hear a bride say it was her chief bridesmaid who planned her wedding. I was so caught up with work that after I said "yes" to my boyfriend of 5 years every other thing was pretty much left to the discretion of my able "chiefo"
I had my demands of course; I wanted a Parisian themed wedding. I pretty much told her the important things I wanted knowing she would deliver and I rarely asked for updates because I always had piles of office work and deadlines to meet. My work took all my time and my boss was the definition of "every second counts" (already talking about work again lol). Anyway, like I said- Parisian theme.
I chose the colours Coral Pink and Baby Blue which I specifically told my chief bridesmaid (a.k.a sister) must be strictly adhered to, My bridesmaids dresses were to be Coral Pink  including my bouquet and possibly the Aso Ebi. I wanted my cake and wedding dress to be unique so I designed them myself. I didn't do much running around but I squeezed enough time to pick out my invitation cards, meet up with the cake designer and the tailor. the tailor was a nice lady and she promised me nice Coral Pink material (we picked together) straight from New York and a lovely white lace material for my wedding dress. I was very particular about having buttons at the back and a boat neck, she seemed on top of her game so I didn't worry much about that.
From the little I gathered about preparations, everything was going well and I felt relief that my  dream wedding would come true. Feeling confident about everything, I continued work diligently from 8am-8pm! for my boss to release me was hard shaa! I even almost missed my own Bridal shower because I got home very late that day, I was just lucky to have patient friends who waited for  hours for me! my sister even had to call my boss at a time to beg her to release me (and this was around 9pm). I would have loved to come home to see a surprise bridal shower but my boss spoiled everything by saying " don't worry you will leave soon you hear, your friends have planned a surprise for you at home".
The shower was great and I then began to feel excited about the wedding hoping I would get a week off so that I could relax and get ready for the big day but unfortunately my boss had other plans. about 3 weeks to the wedding I was on a plane to America to assist with a business programme and I hadn't tried on my dress or seen the bridesmaids dresses, it was quite sad but I was confident that by the time I returned everything would be in place.
I returned about a week to the wedding pumped and geared up with excitement to see my beautiful dress, fantasizing on how I would look in a unique number but as I entered my house all hell broke loose!
First of all, I returned to hear that the tailor shipped Fuchsia Pink material instead of Coral Pink! my sister tried to calm me down by saying the colour was close to Coral pink as the tailor said it was Coral Neon, "what did I ask for? Coral Pink or Coral Neon?" I yelled! please see the difference

What I wanted

What the Tailor shipped

As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard there was an argument about the colour of my wedding dress! the tailor argued that my wedding dress would look better in Ivory when I specifically said pure white! nawa o! she then bought a different material from the one I chose! she said that one was out of stock so she opted for another which was almost double the price, shipped from Paris! na she go pay? All what I heard was enough fuel to get me to the Tailor's studio immediately  to shoutingly express myself!
on a normal day people would describe me as a nice quiet girl but on that day I was a mean screaming bridezilla! I told her off and she promised to make adjustments but sadly my bridesmaids' had to end up wearing a colour I specifically did not want! even the buttons down my wedding dress weren't sewn properly and the neck wasn't what I asked for, sadly it was too late to make major changes so I had to manage what was sewn and pay double the price!
Wedding day came and I thought to myself "today, if anything goes wrong I will just smile" many people had advised me that I should not let anything ruin my day and I was prepared to stay happy but how can you stay happy when something goes wrong the minute you're about to walk down the aisle! my father wasn't there! we waited and waited but after a while my cousin had to do the honours, we would have just waited a few more minutes but  trust all those oversabi aunties " go jo, go jo, they will start without you o!" what was even more painful was that my parents walked in 2 mins after I got to the altar! of course I almost cried but my mood changed after a while especially after being joined to my prince charming.
I didn't think anything would upset me again till I got to the reception and the DJ decided to keep my play list under his bed so he can show off his skills "mtschew". That really irritated me and put me in a bad mood then to make things worse, my boss was ushered to sit by the exit of the reception as if she crashed the wedding when I specifically said she should be called to the high table! there wasn't much I could do so I just sat there watching. I began to feel really sad on my big day but you know what?  once I looked at my husband, everything changed; I began to look at my beautiful Coral Pink bouquet, my wonderfully decorated cake and my beautiful wedding decor, I could not help but be happy and I then realised there was a lot to be thankful for.
although the dresses weren't as expected, they looked nice at the end, I got numerous compliments about my wedding dress (it did have pearls and Swarovski crystals embedded on it) and everyone enjoyed the jams played by the DJ.
I must say my chief bridesmaid (sister) really tried, she got everything I wanted for the decor and the planning was almost 100 percent. I'm truly grateful for all the effort that was put into it and my dream wedding came true!

So, yeah... I was a (moderate) Bridezilla.

Memoirs of a Bridezilla: Prologue

Studies have shown that 1 in 2 human species (which is probably you)  was/is a potential Bridezilla!

Every Bride to be, no matter how little has a bit of bridezilla in her. Its just a moment, in fact, the point where you just SNAP!

the snap could be in different ways; growling yells, ghoulish howls, screeching cries or seething silence... sigh... the drama of preparing for marriage.

you turn into a Bridezilla when you perceive things are not going as planned and people are not acting as planned in preparing for the big day. from a delayed wedding dress, drunk or unhelpful bridesmaids to bad tailors, huge arguments, fall outs and disagreements are bound to happen.

Although wedding preparations can be quite stressful, especially if you're running around yourself (to avoid the bank breaking wedding planner), the D day usually turns out great if not wonderful and the funniest thing is on that day, you wouldn't even be aware of all the underground hustling and bustling because you will be so happy to be married to the man of your dreams! Even when you look back you would probably laugh at all the drama you caused for one tiny "glitch" ("I said black and white not white and black" lol!), you would also appreciate the people who worked hard for you and learn a few lessons from your experience.

Now, here's the fun part; different ladies from different places will be sharing their memories here, talking about how they snapped and how it turned out at the end. Don't be surprised when you read about the weirdest glitches, the funniest scenarios and the most supportive clan. Of course you could also share yours on the comment box below and get your pre-brides to come learn how to avoid drama (or cause one lol!). Lets laugh at ourselves and be grateful for a successful wedding day and the effort put in making it happen.

Why Can't We All Be...

Why can't we all be happy...

I agree, its a tough world out there. some can say that the toughest is living in Nigeria. We see so many sad and terrible things going on its so hard to think that anything good can come out of the government.
of all the things they should be promising Power should come first! light! it goes a long way!
You can probably recall  the skip in your heart when you hear the sometimes incredibly loud siren, see bulbs light up in your living room and hear reduced to no generator noise. All these are sometimes enough to make one happy. Light motivates, energizes, encourages, makes people work and that's why we get better results at daytime or when there is light.
I guess we cant wait for the government to make us happy; we have to do that ourselves, the best way we can. Get our own light (gen/Inverter) go out, have fun and enjoy life with good company. If our pockets are quite shallow there's always the ultimate happy trigger, a smile.

Why can't we all Smile...

Smiling is like the siren that lets us know there's light. when you smile, you spark up a warm fire within you, it triggers a pleasant feeling, motivates and energizes cos it signals happiness. Lets smile through the difficulties, challenges and issues we face, it will help us to cope and solve them better.

Why can't we all See...

why can't we all see the benefit of helping one another? think of the common good? what use is it having trillions of Naira in your account while your neighbor is starving? why cant we create more jobs and pay well? why cant we get our jobs well done? we charge but don't deliver yet still ask for full payment, we employ but don't pay. Why get stuck in this vicious cycle of selfishness and lack of productivity?
Give 100 percent and get 100 percent, if you are paid for 100 percent, do 100 percent! lets help each other be better workers and overall better people. Lets help each other appreciate dignity in labour.

Why can't we all Pray...

Pray for our country and our leaders. Have we ever thought that they might not be spiritually strong? The power of God moves mountains, causes miracles, changes hearts. We can pray to become better people so we can focus on our constant source of happiness and smile, work and earn good pay.
Many changes we would like to see most times starts from us. The common saying "be the change you want the world to be" is not just a quote, it is a mantra we should all have. If we effect positive change in ourselves, we will be happy and be the change we want Nigeria to be.

Out with Dad

here's an article I wrote a while ago, quite suitable for the season of Father's day 

it also happens to be my first post this year (finally!)

enjoy.

OUT WITH DAD

“It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons”

-Federich Von Schiller

Nothing beats the look on your face when you’re dressed to go out and dad says “NO” to 23 year old you but hands 21 year old Junior the car keys. With time one understands that the partiality that probably exists when it comes to the bond between father and son is only natural. In contemporary Africa, the relationship between father and son is usually seen as very significant in the home, possibly because they share the same gender or personality or because of the spiritual and cultural aspects attached to it. In any way, this connection in some cases affects the reason for their bond and also for why they might not get along. In some families the father and son are best of friends while in some they are the worst of enemies.  Here’s taking a look at the issues and problems that cause bad relationships and their solutions.

“A king's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day Simba, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new king.”

-The Lion King

The Lion King must have been at least one parent's all time favorite.  The story of Mufasa and Simba is kind of similar to the history of father-son relationships.  It is usually the norm for the father to groom the sons, teach them new things and probably most importantly, prepare them to fill his shoes.  Since the father is considered to be the breadwinner of the family in most cases, the male child is considered to be the successor to the father’s riches. It is because of this some fathers spend time to create a special relationship with their sons. Although it seems like a norm in society, this is one important factor that builds and strengthens the father-son relationship. In  some cases, getting into the father’s business makes Junior understand his dad better and improve his communication with him and from observing the attitude of his son towards his business, dad could get to know his son’s interests and if his work is one of them. If both have the same interests, this usually builds and strengthens the relationship but if they don’t it could lead to the father being insistent on making his son an heir.  Often times we find that fathers and sons get along when they share the same views about certain aspects of life, they become best friends but turn into worst enemies once they differ in interest.

There are certain factors that make or hinder some family relationships; one is usually a case where unnecessary pressure sets in.  for instance, the idea some fathers pass to their sons is that money is only made in certain professions and this is usually the case in some homes which often result in the child being forced to study a course he has no interest in (for example, a top MD at a bank might want his son to take over his business but his son is more gifted in graphic design). The son is sometimes made to study accounting in school so as to fill in his father’s shoes. Sometimes, to gain his father’s approval he tries his best but soon becomes frustrated because it doesn’t come natural to him, this might make him feel inadequate or pressured since much is expected from him.  In many cases this breeds resentment because the son feels his needs and interests are neglected, he feels uncared for and shows this with arguments or forms of rebellion. Talking such situations through often helps both parties understand each other better. Helping a son find his own path is probably another way of keeping the bond between father and son and in some cases the child could use his talents in another aspect of the father’s business, creativity being the spice of life.

Another factor that influences the father-son relationship is probably different personality traits or the celebrity factor. The celebrity dad could possibly be afraid of his name being tampered or would like to keep his good name so tries to mould his son according to his taste.  Similar to the profession role, the son could probably feel pressured to fill his father’s shoes especially if his personality is different from his father’s.

It is very important to establish a father-Son relationship for mainly peace in the home, to reduce tensions from flying as a result of arrogance from both sides. If they don’t get along the son loses the experience he would have otherwise gained without difficulty and the father would lose the joy of getting to know his son. Getting a positive father-son relationship is often very easy but takes a bit of humility, understanding and proper communication. the son could be a bit more obedient to his father as he has seen and experienced more, the father could be a bit more understanding that Junior wants to be a lawyer not an architect and help him work towards it. He should not shut his son out and issues should be discussed with love and respect.   The daddy-son bond can be further strengthened by going out together more often and alone, playing video games, wrestling and having a good spirit of sportsmanship, not taking things too serious.

“Father, let this cup pass from me, but may your will be done”

Matthew 26:39

Sometimes it can be difficult to create a suitable father-son bond or mend a broken one but an easy example to emulate could be God the Father and Jesus Christ. Christ was obedient unto death and this gained him his kingship in Heaven. At a garden of Gethsemane He spoke to His father but was still submissive to His will. Fathers could create an atmosphere where their sons can express themselves freely, they should hear their sons out and explain with love reasons they take certain decisions so they can understand. Sons could also give parents a chance into their lives, this shows gratitude and one even gains much more from it. They should express themselves politely and everything should be fine. 

As the saying goes

 “Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys”-

Anonymous

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it”

Prov 22:6.

Will you Help?

                              "...living in Nigeria can be depressing..." 

I've heard many of my friends say. We complain for hours, it even makes good conversation abroad. Laughing and joking about the state of the country with your Nigerian friends while the foreign ones pity us and wonder how we survive.

I'm tired of complaining and I'm ready to help. I'm tired of things going wrong and nothing is done about it, I'm tired of sitting around and doing nothing.

I've joined a cause now and I'm happy to work with like minds, one of whom is my best friend. We are going to make a change in our own way, no matter how little it is.

Will you help?

A pin might cause a ripple but one day the ripples might cause waves!

Special Effects? Nope!

Saw this on my way home a few days ago..

Nope, it wasn't a movie shoot

Nope, it wasn't photo-shopped

Hope no one was in there!

I'm back

Waking up to a 5 am alarm  meant something to me: a new day and in a few hours, a new location. I had been here for years. Used to the  squeals of little children in the playground just by my window, used to the slap of piercing cold on a winter morning  and used to the sound of the tubes which announce your destination with a little advice to pay attention to the gap between the platform and the door.

The reality of returning to my home country did not sink in till I found myself wake up to the squeal of the peacock in my compound, the dry Harmattan wind and the sound of the drivers talking loudly about a certain night.

Even if I have been here for a while, it still feels like yesterday when I flip through pictures of the past, sometimes hoping to return as soon as possible because I miss a particular place and the memories it brings.

It’s usually hard to go back to a more tasking way of life when one has tasted the life of living abroad. One thinks of the luxuries that were enjoyed as a result of a good system, transport, electricity and especially all kinds of shopping!

But at the same time, returning home has made me see this country in a new light. There are so many things we can achieve here, a system waiting to be built with so many opportunities to build them. Knowledge waiting to be imparted on those who ache to learn what we know but have no means to do so, a splurge of ideas waiting to be shared and a multitude of chances waiting to be taken.

I believe that the countries we move to are like that for a reason; people took chances, they sweated, they worked hard, they achieved the achievable, took advantage of opportunities and taught others to do the same. If most of the people decided to move out, we wouldn't be going there…

So I've decided to stay, to help in my little way and hope to see the results it brings

This is my country, if I don’t help, who will?

Pretty Snow

I'm happy to announce I can finally put up this long overdue post!

Love the innocently pure, pearly white look our good ol' snow gives the city! here are a few of my favorite scenes...

My cute little Snowman

Get the Pun?  ;-)

Pretty sight, pretty cold (mixed feelings, lol!)

New New

Hey Guys!!!!

Pardon my late Late LATE blog posts!!!

I cant believe it is almost Christmas and nothing has been written in a month or... TWO???

aargh!
cant be happening!!!


well, you all know the reason why

WORK!!

 However, I shall not desert this blog. I have a new write up coming up, watch out for this space....

The longest queue I've ever seen!

Check this out

And it goes on...

And on...

And on...

Nope, it wasn't a Rock concert or some special exhibition... it was the proms!

This queue was waay longer than the one at the Louvre! Although you can't see properly how long it stretches, it took two streets!



The BBC Proms is a classical music concert performed at the Royal Albert Hall during the summer. If one had asked me a couple of years ago if I would go to this I would have probably laughed! But right now I found myself queueing for quite a while to get in!
Tickets range form about 50 pounds to 5 pounds (standing) and of course, loads of people stood for about 2 hours!!!
I did stand (being my first time and all) and it was worth it.
Heard some queued from 12pm for a concert that was to start at 7pm!
I asked if it was British culture to like classical music but apparently it's not, people just do!

What is it about sounds without words that people like?
I guess when I say people I should speak for myself and other classical music lovers lol! I doubt many people my age can even stand it!
Well... It's a very emotional kind of music, it is relaxing, it's refreshing! I love it!