The Doll...

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I always thought I was the ugliest person in the world! I had a fat belly and that made me feel ugly. I rarely socialized because I felt I was not attractive enough and I envied pretty girls I saw on my way to work. I felt God cursed me with wealth but no beauty! this haunted me since I was a teenager. I remembered once my mother told me that I was beautiful, I did not believe her because none of the boys in class told me so, they rarely even looked at me! the closest a boy got to me was to ask for a pen. he did that occasionally but that was all he ever did. I grew up focusing on the only thing that made me happy; family and success. I was a very intelligent student and so always had good grades, once my family was intact and my work done to perfection I was happy till of course the depression of being lonely and ugly set in.
there happened to be one guy I fancied who worked close to my office, we often bumped into each other but he never noticed me, I noticed him  quite well because he was so handsome! he had a symmetric face, he was tall and his eyes were to die for, I observed this anytime he spoke to a friend. Then, I would stroll a little slower and tilt my head a little just to catch his golden brown eyes. the angle I looked often hurt my neck but I did not care because I was beholding something beautiful.
One day I could not stop thinking about those brown eyes and thought of how I could get him to notice me. I immediately became depressed because I remembered I was ugly! I thought about what I could do to get his attention then it came to me, have a liposuction! I was so happy about this new found idea of looking beautiful surgically, it shot my hopes up. the next weekend I booked an appointment for one and in 3 painful months I got the tummy I had always wanted. I danced in front of the mirror in my underwear admiring my figure, for the first time in my life I felt beautiful and decided I was ready to lure my prey.
the following week I wore a short tight fitting dress to show off my curves and my flat belly. I also waited at the spot where Mr handsome usually passed. when I saw him approach I stroke a pose I had practiced over the weekend but alas he paid no attention, he just walked past, not even a side glance! I felt so bad that I did not have lunch that day. I thought to myself "what else can I do?" then another idea came to me, get long silky hair! I saw that in movies and that it got a lot of attention from guys especially when you whip it back and forth. so the next weekend I got a very long golden brown weave, the colour of his eyes!( maybe that would get his attention). I also decided to get a boob job (which healed in a month), shaped my eyebrows and shaped my teeth. I felt beautiful once all these were complete, I could not stop staring at myself most mornings and decided I was ready to strike that pose again!

I did strike that pose but unfortunately Mr handsome did not notice me. I did not feel too bad because 5 other guys did including his friend who asked for my number, he asked if I was new that he had never seen me before. I felt so happy and my self esteem shot up like a brand new space rocket! I felt so alive! although Mr handsome still did not pay attention to me, the number of guys that noticed me was good enough! I felt on top of the world! I even went on series of dates and received many gifts, I actually felt beautiful! I became a boy magnet! it was wonderful!!!!
After 6 months I got tired of it all, most of my dates wanted only one thing, they flattered and told me how beautiful I was then tried to lure me to their rooms for a "quick" one, I rarely spoke to family because I was always busy buying "sexy" clothes and brown weaves, I had even reduced my performance at work, my boss called me in once and also tried his luck and Mr Handsome still did not pay attention to me! his friend was the worst of all the guys I met, he tried to "lure" me and once I did not comply he stopped talking to me. all of a sudden I felt I could not trust any guy looking the way I did, I made a few male friends but it was very difficult to discern who was genuine and who just wanted "something".
one day I decided to look into the mirror again but this time I was not happy with what I saw... I looked... so... different!! I couldn't even recognize myself, I looked like a very pretty doll! perfect in every sense but not human. All of a sudden I missed my imperfections, I missed my family I had shut out for so long because I wanted to be noticed, I missed my devotion to work and most of all I missed me! sure I was not beautiful but I was happy! I had everything anyone would need to be happy, people who loved me truly and anything I ever needed, then I thought to myself, I was depressed because I wanted to be depressed! and I was also kind of ungrateful. I thought I was impatient and all of a sudden I did not think the problem was me being ugly, it was that I thought I was ugly!
the hours I spent staring at the figure in the mirror made me do a couple of things next. I took out the fake bust (it did  hurt!) it was too heavy anyway, I took out the weave and styled my hair (I finally noticed how long and beautiful my hair was) as for the flat belly, I still enjoyed it but promised myself I'd go to the gym frequently, dint think I would like to go under the knife again!
Of course when I was back to "boring" me the fans stopped coming and my phone stopped ringing but I did not care, I found something I had never had, this boosted my confidence more than anything and I felt human again, I even felt beautiful and reminded myself about that with a smile in front of the mirror every morning (I also noticed I had a lovely smile!). I walked with my head held high and confident strides, then one day I received a pleasant "hello" from someone who walked beside me, it even came with a wide smile! I smiled back with fire crackers in my head, it was Mr Handsome.