here's an article I wrote a while ago, quite suitable for the season of Father's day
it also happens to be my first post this year (finally!)
enjoy.
OUT WITH DAD
“It
is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons”
-Federich
Von Schiller
Nothing beats the look on your face when
you’re dressed to go out and dad says “NO” to 23 year old you but hands 21 year
old Junior the car keys. With time one understands that the partiality that
probably exists when it comes to the bond between father and son is only
natural. In contemporary Africa, the relationship between father and son is
usually seen as very significant in the home, possibly because they share the
same gender or personality or because of the spiritual and cultural aspects
attached to it. In any way, this connection in some cases affects the reason
for their bond and also for why they might not get along. In some families the
father and son are best of friends while in some they are the worst of enemies. Here’s taking a look at the issues and
problems that cause bad relationships and their solutions.
“A
king's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day Simba, the sun will
set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new king.”
-The
Lion King
The Lion King must have been at least one parent's all time favorite. The story of Mufasa
and Simba is kind of similar to the history of father-son relationships. It is usually the norm for the father to
groom the sons, teach them new things and probably most importantly, prepare
them to fill his shoes. Since the father
is considered to be the breadwinner of the family in most cases, the male child
is considered to be the successor to the father’s riches. It is because of this
some fathers spend time to create a special relationship with their sons. Although
it seems like a norm in society, this is one important factor that builds and
strengthens the father-son relationship. In some cases, getting into the father’s business
makes Junior understand his dad better and improve his communication with him
and from observing the attitude of his son towards his business, dad could get
to know his son’s interests and if his work is one of them. If both have the
same interests, this usually builds and strengthens the relationship but if
they don’t it could lead to the father being insistent on making his son an
heir. Often times we find that fathers
and sons get along when they share the same views about certain aspects of
life, they become best friends but turn into worst enemies once they differ in
interest.
There are certain factors that make or
hinder some family relationships; one is usually a case where unnecessary
pressure sets in. for instance, the idea
some fathers pass to their sons is that money is only made in certain
professions and this is usually the case in some homes which often result in
the child being forced to study a course he has no interest in (for example, a
top MD at a bank might want his son to take over his business but his son is
more gifted in graphic design). The son is sometimes made to study accounting
in school so as to fill in his father’s shoes. Sometimes, to gain his father’s
approval he tries his best but soon becomes frustrated because it doesn’t come
natural to him, this might make him feel inadequate or pressured since much is
expected from him. In many cases this
breeds resentment because the son feels his needs and interests are neglected,
he feels uncared for and shows this with arguments or forms of rebellion.
Talking such situations through often helps both parties understand each other
better. Helping a son find his own path is probably another way of keeping the
bond between father and son and in some cases the child could use his talents
in another aspect of the father’s business, creativity being the spice of life.
Another factor that influences the father-son
relationship is probably different personality traits or the celebrity factor. The
celebrity dad could possibly be afraid of his name being tampered or would like
to keep his good name so tries to mould his son according to his taste. Similar to the profession role, the son could
probably feel pressured to fill his father’s shoes especially if his
personality is different from his father’s.
It is very important to establish a
father-Son relationship for mainly peace in the home, to reduce tensions from flying
as a result of arrogance from both sides. If they don’t get along the son loses
the experience he would have otherwise gained without difficulty and the father
would lose the joy of getting to know his son. Getting a positive father-son relationship
is often very easy but takes a bit of humility, understanding and proper
communication. the son could be a bit more obedient to his father as he has
seen and experienced more, the father could be a bit more understanding that
Junior wants to be a lawyer not an architect and help him work towards it. He should
not shut his son out and issues should be discussed with love and respect. The
daddy-son bond can be further strengthened by going out together more often and
alone, playing video games, wrestling and having a good spirit of
sportsmanship, not taking things too serious.
“Father,
let this cup pass from me, but may your will be done”
Matthew 26:39
Sometimes it can be difficult to create a
suitable father-son bond or mend a broken one but an easy example to emulate
could be God the Father and Jesus Christ. Christ was obedient unto death and
this gained him his kingship in Heaven. At a garden of Gethsemane He spoke to
His father but was still submissive to His will. Fathers could create an atmosphere
where their sons can express themselves freely, they should hear their sons out
and explain with love reasons they take certain decisions so they can
understand. Sons could also give parents a chance into their lives, this shows
gratitude and one even gains much more from it. They should express themselves
politely and everything should be fine.
As the saying goes
“Small boys become big men through the
influence of big men who care about small boys”-
Anonymous
“Train up a child in the way he should go
and when he is old, he will not depart from it”
Prov
22:6.
