Memoirs of a Bridezilla: The In-Laws' Wedding

I don’t believe in breaking the bank for a wedding, there is forever after that! Forever house rent/maintenance, forever fees and forever bills to pay so if you can save on your wedding that would be very wise indeed.

Of course we have what we want in our heads and our parents have what THEY want, double that and you have 4 parents wanting what they want. I didn’t think this would be a problem for a bit because at the end of the day we are the ones getting married, so I was certain a few boundaries could be made…. Apparently not in an Ibo wedding!

she was almost like her

 I attempted to plan my wedding myself but my mother-in-law had her own plans. She brought in a wedding planner which I wasn’t too happy about but reached a compromise by taking off a few duties from her and by letting her know she was only hired to help and not run the show. My fiancé didn’t care much about colour code so I picked it. I picked Green and Gold but once again, mother-in-law had her own colours. She said we should do Blue as this was her son’s favourite colour (but your son said he’s cool with Green and Gold? He’s not complaining!) I really did not want colour riot so I reached another compromise of Teal and Gold; at least there’s a bit of blue in there. I started suspecting this Mother-in-law of mine with the way she kept on objecting my wishes and I had to make sure my hubby told her we had discussed everything and agreed as a couple that this was what we wanted, I mean she can choose her aso ebi? She can handle food? That’s what the mothers do right? Hmm! This is my wedding o! I won’t even agree!

The Hall we chose was already decorated so it cut costs for us. The wedding planner didn’t want to agree that it was fine enough and even offered to decorate it. I explained to her I was content with the décor but she was adamant and of course with backing from the in-laws I had to listen. Ok I decided to hear what she had to say, after all the (boring) ideas she put forward she now added insult upon injury by charging 1 million Naira for it! Say wetin happen! That décor in that hall cost 400k! Needless to say the conversation ended there.

I was beginning to get fed up of the barging in and changing of things by my fiancé’s siblings and it was weighing me down, I thought many times of just talking to his mum like a daughter to a mother but I didn’t know how to go about it without probably offending her. Is there a polite way of saying “back off”? Because that’s how I felt anytime she spoke about one thing or the other that I didn’t like. My family members on the other hand were very helpful and supportive. My ever efficient sister was my chief bridesmaid and she handled the job very well. My wedding dress was on point, the bridesmaids dresses were stunning and cloth matter was sorted, my sister handled everything beauty, even make up (she did my make up for the wedding) so at least I was happy about that.

Some of my friends dint try sha, they wanted to use me to pay their shop rent. I asked one to do cocktails for me and she charged 285 Naira per head whereas a total stranger gave me for 170 Naira per head. Even as I told her to reduce for me she was doing shakara, Na so friendship be? For my other friend I just told her I wanted beads, I didn’t dare mention wedding so that she won’t charge me and when she found out it was too late (hehe).

For a while plans went smoothly, no interruptions, no new ideas. The wedding planner faced her own and I faced my own. It was looking like we were all getting along till we had a mini family meeting; my parents and I wanted to contribute to paying for some of the expenses of the wedding and my sister-in-law dared to ask “where will you get the money from?” I began to boil! I explained to her that it wasn’t a problem, we talked about number of guests and I calmly explained we did not want too many guests, mother-in-law just charged in “come, this wedding is not your own o! This is my first and only son and you will see many people there whether you like it or not! This is our wedding, we foot the bill, we do everything, you go and get yourself ready and present yourself to your husband, go and look fine, finish!” kai!  “HOW DARE YOU INSULT US! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! THIS IS MY WEDDING NOT YOURS AND DEFINITELY NOT YOUR BUSH VILLAGE PEOPLE STILL LIVING IN ANCIENT TIMES! I WILL DO WHATEVER I WANT AND YOU WILL SIT BACK AND ACCEPT EVERYTHING! NOW, GET OUT!

In America I’m sure I could have said that but here, (lol) hmm! I still wanted to marry sha. I just took everything in and poured out my frustration to hubby. He completely understood and even spoke to his people on my behalf, with that they chilled small, sigh.

Wedding day came and I was up by 6am! Even though mass was at 9 I wasn’t taking any chances. I was dressed and ready by 8 with full make up on. The hairstylist came late but everything was still on track as my able chiefo yelled at her and kept her on her toes to finish making the bridal party’s hair on time. I dint wait for all that o, I already started finding my way to the rented Limo as my priority at that point was to have a majestic father-daughter walk down the aisle. As I went downstairs I was already imagining how I will come out of this limo in elegance and glamour, looking posh posing for photographs… my daydream shattered to pieces as I saw the bonnet of the limo open and the driver fanning smoke out of it! I just broke down and started crying. Like seriously! Today of all days! My sister tried to pacify me half upset I almost messed up my makeup. At the end we had to use the photographer’s car to get to church and I cried almost all the way! The photographer kept consoling me and my sister kept trying to revamp my face. I was too sad and the only thing that could change that was if I got to the church on time. Luckily I got there at the nick of time and could have my majestic walk, seeing my fresh fiancé also lit up my heart and limo problem automatically wiped from my memory.

I thought the drama ended in the morning only to get to the reception and see some funny shaped rubbish hanging from the ceiling of the already beautifully decorated hall! This had wedding planner written all over it! After I told her I dint want her décor she went behind my back to get it done! I just freed cos it was too late to do anything about it. Even the other services she promised to provide she didn’t, it was just all in the book, see ushers scanty, people complaining they hadn’t eaten ( I even chuckled at that one, shebi I said not too many guests) where was the famous dessert table? All her talk was wash! Our MC decided to act his own play during the wedding. During negotiation stage he charged us 40k o, we told him ok go and check the venue, he didn’t, that’s how he started vexing at the reception that he should have charged us more as he didn’t know the wedding was big like that especially after seeing the huge hall. He started throwing tantrums talking about charging 200k but of course it was too late so my hubby’s friend helped us handle him by paying his balance and sending him off.

Apart from all that, the day was beautiful! The church was beautifully decorated and I got all the glamorous pictures I wanted! The DJ was on point and made everyone turn up! After everything I was so happy that it was as If nothing bad happened, I even hugged and played with my mother-in-law and hubby’s sisters like we never had issues and forgave the limo guy for messing my morning up. I got a chance to take a ride and it was lovely! As we drove to our new home in this beautifully decorated romantic back seat, I thanked God for a successful day and for finally joining me to the man of my dreams!

My advice to Brides everywhere is never to let anything upset you on your big day, just laugh and smile through it all! Also always keep food for your bridal party because ushers tend to forget they exist.

And there you have it, a moderate turned happy Bridezilla!

Memoirs of Bridezilla: Where is the Groom?

Sigh, I don't even know where to start and to be honest its God that made that day happen because
after all I went through it was enough for me to say "I'm not doing again" but who am I kidding? I wanted to marry this man with all my heart! when he finally proposed I felt like my life was complete. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't desperate  to get married and I was of a reasonable age (27) so it was more like I wanted to quickly begin forever with him.

Anyway wedding plans commenced, of course my mother was more than happy that her first wedding was here and at this point my fiance could do no wrong, he could do no wrong in my eyes too but there was just one one thing I told him would get me very upset; I told him I did not want him to have a Bach Eve! I knew he had crazy friends and I did not want him missing on the wedding day! he laughed at me and said that I watched "The Hangover" too many times but promised he wont so I felt I had nothing to fear.

Preparations were done by a wedding planner I got from a friend who said she was very good. I told her all I wanted and hoped she would deliver. I couldn't be 100 percent part of it because of work but I got her to update me once in a while and my sisters also helped to follow up. My colours were royal Blue and burnt Orange and I wanted the decor to be all white so that the colours would stand out. The wedding planner suggested Cream or Champagne but I insisted on white, she continued to push her cream agenda, I said I wanted White because it was classy, she pushed on so I eyed her and she got the message. My mum too had her own plans, she had her own decor colour and her aso ebi colour was clashing with mine! "Orange and pink don't go!" I had to tell her a million times and I hoped she listened because she would say "ok" one day then on another day I'd hear her say "aso ebi ni Pink ati Blue" (Our aso ebi is Pink and Blue). After a while I had to sit her down and tell her I did not want to see Pink (of course in a polite way, lol) I told her she could do Lemon Green and Light Blue and at last she finally agreed. After much thinking of the colour combo, I told the wedding planner I changed my mind to Blue. I wanted everything to be baby blue because it seemed like it would fit all our colours and so colour chapter was closed. My Bridesmaids were to wear Gold dresses, I wanted all of them looking glamorous while the groomsmen were to wear Gold bow ties with Navy Blue suits. I didn't have any problem with tailor or delivery because I prepared their outfits 4 months before the wedding, I hounded her every 2 weeks and my ever cooperative bridesmaids went for fitting on time.

Everything went smoothly really. There wasn't really any hitch as the wedding planner was quite on top of her game and my family and friends were very supportive. Since I told my fiance I did not want him to have a Bach Eve, I decided we should have an engagement party so I would not have a bridal shower. We rented a Bar and Lounge for the night, had food and loads of drinks and danced the night away, it was a lot of fun! A week to the wedding I tried on my wedding dress and it was beautiful, by that time everything was so organised that I could even move the date 2 days forward and there would have been no hitch!

About 3 days to the wedding my friends hijacked me straight from work, got me a dress and took me out for Hen night. I felt a bit bad as I had made a deal with my fiance about separate parties but they explained to me that they had planned it a long time ago and could not cancel. Men, that night was wild! my dress was quite flirty and my friends went round Lagos wearing bunny ears and tails in black shorts and tank tops with Pink writing that read "hen night". Of course we got a lot of attention (lol) I'm sure some people would have said we brought oyinbo behaviour to Nigeria! I planned to tell my fiance about it after the wedding so that he wont be too upset with me, at least I danced with just the girls and didn't hire any stripper, whats the worst that could have happened?

A night to the wedding everyone was settled at my place and excited about the big day. My friends also slept over and we almost gisted the night away till I remembered I needed to look refreshed on the day of all days! Before going to bed I wanted to hear my fiance's voice and tell him how much I loved him before he became a Mr. so I excused myself and went to one tiny shed in the compound. Giggling like a little child I dialled his number...

The number you're calling is switched off",  ha! I tried again, same thing! I tried like 10 times and got the same response. I then tried his best man's number and another of his groomsmen and both were just ringing. I was furious! "where have they carried my husband to oh!" was all I was shouting, night before the wedding o! It frightened me a lot because our parents had already warned us to not move around anyhow during the wedding period and at that point I thought of all sorts of things that could have been happening to him. I went inside the house nervous and frantic, pacing up and down, I got my mum to call his parents to find out if they had heard from him that day, they said the last time was around 4pm which was around the same time I had last heard from him too. I just said to myself, of all the things to go wrong! I would have even preferred tailor wahala to this nonsense. I just started crying and crying, calling and calling his number... still switched off. My friends calmed me down and told me not to worry, that they were sure everything would be fine at the end, they were also like maybe his friends planned a bachelor's eve for him too, "which kin stupid Bach Eve, less than 24 hours to your wedding? what rubbish is that! what nonsense!" after wailing I eventually went to bed and just prayed that he was ok.

Omo, morning of wedding day, everyone was in church, I was even ready to go in, father holding me in hand and groom had not yet arrived! grooms men nowhere to be found! "I said it, I said it, when I say no Bach Eve its as if I'm controlling, see now!" I started crying buckets that my dad had to help dab away the tears so it didn't spoil my make up. After waiting for a while I just had to be walked in as the priest said it was getting late. 5 minutes after I walked down the aisle, as the mass was about to start, groomsmen rushed in with my husband behind them. They walked briskly to take their seats and he hurriedly walked to stand beside me. He knew he was in big trouble not just from me but from almost everyone there and to top it all up he was reeking of alcohol! I just started crying again, I quietly told him I wasn't going to marry him in that state that he should go and cleanse himself before joining to me, he quietly begged me to forgive him that he was set up by his friends. The church was so quiet that it was possible the congregation could tell I was about to leave, what saved my fiance was that the priest started the mass and chipped in some things about responsibility and forgiveness in the homily, mehn, easier said than done!

The reception was very nice and a lot of fun. I didn't talk to any of the groomsmen especially the best man, he tried to apologise a couple of times but I just turned my head and formed talking to someone, see me feeling guilty for doing Hen Night whereas this was much worse. Throughout the reception my husband was just begging me explaining that his friends hijacked him. He even felt more remorse when some guests came and said "don't suffer this girl in marriage o" or "what you did was wrong o" or "Bride entering before groom is abomination o". I was quite irritated by the comments but also happy they shared my pain, I also felt bad for him because I saw he was truly sorry. People make mistakes and deserve a second chance especially those you love so  I finally forgave him and after the wedding he made it up to me in a million ways and others I cant discuss here (lol).

We're living happily ever after and I'm so happy I chose him,

I wasn't that much of a bridezilla, was I?

Memoirs of bridezilla: The Servant Bride

Hmm... of all the people in the world I was certain I would not be a bridezilla, not in a million years because I don't like trouble. I'd rather leave you to do whatever you want than cause an argument or a debate, its just so much wahala!

That was my mind frame o, till they showed me pepper and I realised I had a Banshee inside me!

My proposal was really sweet; it was nothing special as we didn't travel to any expensive location or have a party, it was just a lovely sunny day by the beach. we walked hand in hand sinking our feet into the sand of the washed up shore, a few poetic words were said and an "I do" was very much in place.
Our parents were more than happy to hear we were finally getting married as we dated for quite a while (8 years). My aunties (of course) always used to say that I was not getting any younger and my friends often made me feel like he was holding me down, "dump him jare, no time" or "he's playing with you o! he'll soon go and marry one small girl". I was under so much pressure at one time that I almost gave in but later realized that God's time is the best and He did it for me.

Preparations took off immediately and the date was set for 6 months after the proposal (sharp sharp). It was as if my mother had been fantasizing about it for years because she was already 2 steps ahead with venue, decor, catering etc. I didn't mind for a while but when I saw she wanted to book Shina Peters and Daddy Showkey I was like "nah mehn, lets save that money biko". I then had to step in with my demands on the colours I wanted, the cake, my wedding dress and other things.

I had these group of friends that were my girls since Uni, they were my sisters and confidants and I usually didn't make a big decision without checking with them first. Everything I did somewhat evolved around their approval and I was very happy they endorsed my relationship when it started. Obviously all 6 of them were chosen to be my bridesmaids but my close cousin was maid of honour to avoid fight. I dont know if I expected too much but when I told these friends of mine I was getting married their responses were quite cold, "ehen... congrats... " he actually did? congrats". I dont know but what do you think? I guess I just wished there was a bit more enthusiasm in the replies. Even for wedding preparation they were barely supportive, it was only one of them who called  once or twice and even when I asked if she could help with something she said she was busy with work. Anyhow, I tried to ignore their funny behaviour and continued on my own.
My mum was on a roll! she sorted every single thing from cake to DJ to MC, Alaga, photography, videography gbo gbo e, it was as if she had all of them on speed dial from the moment I introduced her to my hubby! everyday she would go and meet up with one vendor or the other, negotiate and place down payment. Before I used to think that she was overexcited and rushing things because he was from a wealthy family but I remembered that I was the first marriage in the family and the only girl. At first I enjoyed the luxury of a mum wedding planner but after a while she became a bit controlling, saying things like "this dress is not nice jo, choose the one that is full like a ball gown"(and she knew I wanted something A-line) or " ah! mba! aso ebi is good, it will make the place colourful and your friends will want to buy" (after I had said I did not want aso ebi but just a general colour) "ehn, say wetin? general colour ke? Aso ebi jare, different colours!" after a while I just started keeping quiet, I guess it wasn't such a big deal for me to argue.

3 weeks to the wedding and I was far from excited. The only people who seemed supportive were my control mum, my cousins and a few good friends but they were not the ones I really wanted to support me, where were my "big 6"? my real paddies? nowhere to be found! I started thinking maybe it was because I did not spend enough time with them but that was even difficult to do as I had to follow my mum everywhere, I then organised a girls night out so we could all meet up but got a text full of excuses, only one of them showed up and I felt really bad, I just hoped it was because they were busy or that they had already planned a bridal shower for me and that was why they didn't show.

1 week to the wedding and no bridal shower, no hen night. A little consolation was the lunch and cinema my cousins took me to and although it meant a lot I was still hurt. To top it up I felt my mum was the bride because I hardly had a say in anything and it was becoming too much and I knew at one point in time I was going to break!

on the day we went for the final fitting of my wedding dress (the ugly one I didn't like) I saw a pretty A-line dress on one of the dummies in the bridal shop, it was so beautiful! I told my mum I really liked the dress but she was like "honey you already have one" I kept quiet. They brought the dress, I tried it on and still did not like it. While mum was talking to the manager I just kept staring at the dress on the mannequin; the beautiful lace detail and the lovely flowing flared bottom. I had always felt this would suit me being a tall person than a ball gown... I broke into tears! I mean is it fair for a bride to be treated like a nobody for her own wedding? her opinions should matter now? mum then said " sweetie did you hear what she said? she's given us a free bridal hair comb!" she broke into my train of thoughts and I didn't know when I said "I don't like this dress" she replied "ehn but its-" "I DON'T WANT THIS DRESS AH AN! I'VE BEEN SAYING IT SINCE! GOSH!!!" there was silence. still pumped with adrenaline I took off the horrid one and went to try the one I had been eyeing all day, it fit like it was made for me! I told my mum that I wont be forced to wear something I didn't want  and even the manager and sales girls had to admit I looked better in the A line. mum did not say a word but showed her approval with a nod  and made the necessary changes in the transaction, I was so happy and felt joy for the first time in a very long while. I later apologized for yelling and explained to her how I really felt about many things, she felt bad and tried to make amends with the few days left, I was touched by her efforts and hugged her many times because I knew she was just trying to help and for that I was truly grateful.
The traditional wedding day was very successful and alas my big 6 finally turned up and showed some support by dancing with me when needed. I was so overjoyed that I forgave them for not planning a bridal shower and I had a little energy after the ceremony so I considered a hen night. After freshening up I went to meet them and saw they were looking gloomy and dull. I asked if they were ok and even offered to bring food and drinks in case they didn't get anything to eat. I went to get drinks and some food, even when I returned they were still seated looking (possibly eyeing me), I even asked what was wrong and they barely answered, that was when I had had it, I banged the tray on the table and exploded! " WHAT THE F*** IS ALL THIS! WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS ARE YOU? OVER THE YEARS I'VE SERVED YOU, I'VE SUPPORTED YOU THROUGH THICK AND THIN AND THIS IS WHAT I GET ON MY OWN WEDDING?? I ranted and screamed, cried and yelled so loud that everyone in the house knew I was talking to wicked ungrateful girls. after a while the parlor was filled with amebos and they all felt embarrassed, I was so pissed I just concluded with " GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! DON'T COME FOR MY WEDDING!" I damned the consequences, I told myself I would rather have no bridesmaids than jealous, envious ones. what else would have caused such a behaviour? and to confirm it my cousin later told me that she overheard them gossiping about me saying that they couldn't believe I was getting married before them as they thought I was the least attractive in the group. One even said that as fine as she was my fiance picked me instead of her, I cried ehn, can you imagine having such toxic girls around you for years and not even realizing it?

 3 of them called to apologize the night before the white wedding and begged to be put back on the train so I forgave them. Out of the other 3, one sent me a nasty text while the other 2 texted me a few days after the wedding but I didn't see it till after my marvelous 1 month honeymoon! quite frankly I didn't care what they had to say, I enjoyed the white wedding too much to care. it was a beautiful day! my mum did very well with everything she organised and I even thought to myself that maybe it was even good she controlled everything (except my dress sha). I didn't get many gifts (I'm sure it was because of  the overpriced aso ebi) but it was a nice, jovial crowd.

Most importantly I'm married to my other half and I can never have felt better!

so... yeah!

Memoirs of a Bridezilla: Nightmare in Paris

its probably not really common to hear a bride say it was her chief bridesmaid who planned her wedding. I was so caught up with work that after I said "yes" to my boyfriend of 5 years every other thing was pretty much left to the discretion of my able "chiefo"
I had my demands of course; I wanted a Parisian themed wedding. I pretty much told her the important things I wanted knowing she would deliver and I rarely asked for updates because I always had piles of office work and deadlines to meet. My work took all my time and my boss was the definition of "every second counts" (already talking about work again lol). Anyway, like I said- Parisian theme.
I chose the colours Coral Pink and Baby Blue which I specifically told my chief bridesmaid (a.k.a sister) must be strictly adhered to, My bridesmaids dresses were to be Coral Pink  including my bouquet and possibly the Aso Ebi. I wanted my cake and wedding dress to be unique so I designed them myself. I didn't do much running around but I squeezed enough time to pick out my invitation cards, meet up with the cake designer and the tailor. the tailor was a nice lady and she promised me nice Coral Pink material (we picked together) straight from New York and a lovely white lace material for my wedding dress. I was very particular about having buttons at the back and a boat neck, she seemed on top of her game so I didn't worry much about that.
From the little I gathered about preparations, everything was going well and I felt relief that my  dream wedding would come true. Feeling confident about everything, I continued work diligently from 8am-8pm! for my boss to release me was hard shaa! I even almost missed my own Bridal shower because I got home very late that day, I was just lucky to have patient friends who waited for  hours for me! my sister even had to call my boss at a time to beg her to release me (and this was around 9pm). I would have loved to come home to see a surprise bridal shower but my boss spoiled everything by saying " don't worry you will leave soon you hear, your friends have planned a surprise for you at home".
The shower was great and I then began to feel excited about the wedding hoping I would get a week off so that I could relax and get ready for the big day but unfortunately my boss had other plans. about 3 weeks to the wedding I was on a plane to America to assist with a business programme and I hadn't tried on my dress or seen the bridesmaids dresses, it was quite sad but I was confident that by the time I returned everything would be in place.
I returned about a week to the wedding pumped and geared up with excitement to see my beautiful dress, fantasizing on how I would look in a unique number but as I entered my house all hell broke loose!
First of all, I returned to hear that the tailor shipped Fuchsia Pink material instead of Coral Pink! my sister tried to calm me down by saying the colour was close to Coral pink as the tailor said it was Coral Neon, "what did I ask for? Coral Pink or Coral Neon?" I yelled! please see the difference

What I wanted

What the Tailor shipped

As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard there was an argument about the colour of my wedding dress! the tailor argued that my wedding dress would look better in Ivory when I specifically said pure white! nawa o! she then bought a different material from the one I chose! she said that one was out of stock so she opted for another which was almost double the price, shipped from Paris! na she go pay? All what I heard was enough fuel to get me to the Tailor's studio immediately  to shoutingly express myself!
on a normal day people would describe me as a nice quiet girl but on that day I was a mean screaming bridezilla! I told her off and she promised to make adjustments but sadly my bridesmaids' had to end up wearing a colour I specifically did not want! even the buttons down my wedding dress weren't sewn properly and the neck wasn't what I asked for, sadly it was too late to make major changes so I had to manage what was sewn and pay double the price!
Wedding day came and I thought to myself "today, if anything goes wrong I will just smile" many people had advised me that I should not let anything ruin my day and I was prepared to stay happy but how can you stay happy when something goes wrong the minute you're about to walk down the aisle! my father wasn't there! we waited and waited but after a while my cousin had to do the honours, we would have just waited a few more minutes but  trust all those oversabi aunties " go jo, go jo, they will start without you o!" what was even more painful was that my parents walked in 2 mins after I got to the altar! of course I almost cried but my mood changed after a while especially after being joined to my prince charming.
I didn't think anything would upset me again till I got to the reception and the DJ decided to keep my play list under his bed so he can show off his skills "mtschew". That really irritated me and put me in a bad mood then to make things worse, my boss was ushered to sit by the exit of the reception as if she crashed the wedding when I specifically said she should be called to the high table! there wasn't much I could do so I just sat there watching. I began to feel really sad on my big day but you know what?  once I looked at my husband, everything changed; I began to look at my beautiful Coral Pink bouquet, my wonderfully decorated cake and my beautiful wedding decor, I could not help but be happy and I then realised there was a lot to be thankful for.
although the dresses weren't as expected, they looked nice at the end, I got numerous compliments about my wedding dress (it did have pearls and Swarovski crystals embedded on it) and everyone enjoyed the jams played by the DJ.
I must say my chief bridesmaid (sister) really tried, she got everything I wanted for the decor and the planning was almost 100 percent. I'm truly grateful for all the effort that was put into it and my dream wedding came true!

So, yeah... I was a (moderate) Bridezilla.