Mirror, mirror on the Wall

Mirror, mirror on the wall... Who am I?

Wednesday 25 March 2015

Memoirs of Bridezilla: Where is the Groom?

Sigh, I don't even know where to start and to be honest its God that made that day happen because
after all I went through it was enough for me to say "I'm not doing again" but who am I kidding? I wanted to marry this man with all my heart! when he finally proposed I felt like my life was complete. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't desperate  to get married and I was of a reasonable age (27) so it was more like I wanted to quickly begin forever with him.

Anyway wedding plans commenced, of course my mother was more than happy that her first wedding was here and at this point my fiance could do no wrong, he could do no wrong in my eyes too but there was just one one thing I told him would get me very upset; I told him I did not want him to have a Bach Eve! I knew he had crazy friends and I did not want him missing on the wedding day! he laughed at me and said that I watched "The Hangover" too many times but promised he wont so I felt I had nothing to fear.

Preparations were done by a wedding planner I got from a friend who said she was very good. I told her all I wanted and hoped she would deliver. I couldn't be 100 percent part of it because of work but I got her to update me once in a while and my sisters also helped to follow up. My colours were royal Blue and burnt Orange and I wanted the decor to be all white so that the colours would stand out. The wedding planner suggested Cream or Champagne but I insisted on white, she continued to push her cream agenda, I said I wanted White because it was classy, she pushed on so I eyed her and she got the message. My mum too had her own plans, she had her own decor colour and her aso ebi colour was clashing with mine! "Orange and pink don't go!" I had to tell her a million times and I hoped she listened because she would say "ok" one day then on another day I'd hear her say "aso ebi ni Pink ati Blue" (Our aso ebi is Pink and Blue). After a while I had to sit her down and tell her I did not want to see Pink (of course in a polite way, lol) I told her she could do Lemon Green and Light Blue and at last she finally agreed. After much thinking of the colour combo, I told the wedding planner I changed my mind to Blue. I wanted everything to be baby blue because it seemed like it would fit all our colours and so colour chapter was closed. My Bridesmaids were to wear Gold dresses, I wanted all of them looking glamorous while the groomsmen were to wear Gold bow ties with Navy Blue suits. I didn't have any problem with tailor or delivery because I prepared their outfits 4 months before the wedding, I hounded her every 2 weeks and my ever cooperative bridesmaids went for fitting on time.

Everything went smoothly really. There wasn't really any hitch as the wedding planner was quite on top of her game and my family and friends were very supportive. Since I told my fiance I did not want him to have a Bach Eve, I decided we should have an engagement party so I would not have a bridal shower. We rented a Bar and Lounge for the night, had food and loads of drinks and danced the night away, it was a lot of fun! A week to the wedding I tried on my wedding dress and it was beautiful, by that time everything was so organised that I could even move the date 2 days forward and there would have been no hitch!

About 3 days to the wedding my friends hijacked me straight from work, got me a dress and took me out for Hen night. I felt a bit bad as I had made a deal with my fiance about separate parties but they explained to me that they had planned it a long time ago and could not cancel. Men, that night was wild! my dress was quite flirty and my friends went round Lagos wearing bunny ears and tails in black shorts and tank tops with Pink writing that read "hen night". Of course we got a lot of attention (lol) I'm sure some people would have said we brought oyinbo behaviour to Nigeria! I planned to tell my fiance about it after the wedding so that he wont be too upset with me, at least I danced with just the girls and didn't hire any stripper, whats the worst that could have happened?

A night to the wedding everyone was settled at my place and excited about the big day. My friends also slept over and we almost gisted the night away till I remembered I needed to look refreshed on the day of all days! Before going to bed I wanted to hear my fiance's voice and tell him how much I loved him before he became a Mr. so I excused myself and went to one tiny shed in the compound. Giggling like a little child I dialled his number...

The number you're calling is switched off",  ha! I tried again, same thing! I tried like 10 times and got the same response. I then tried his best man's number and another of his groomsmen and both were just ringing. I was furious! "where have they carried my husband to oh!" was all I was shouting, night before the wedding o! It frightened me a lot because our parents had already warned us to not move around anyhow during the wedding period and at that point I thought of all sorts of things that could have been happening to him. I went inside the house nervous and frantic, pacing up and down, I got my mum to call his parents to find out if they had heard from him that day, they said the last time was around 4pm which was around the same time I had last heard from him too. I just said to myself, of all the things to go wrong! I would have even preferred tailor wahala to this nonsense. I just started crying and crying, calling and calling his number... still switched off. My friends calmed me down and told me not to worry, that they were sure everything would be fine at the end, they were also like maybe his friends planned a bachelor's eve for him too, "which kin stupid Bach Eve, less than 24 hours to your wedding? what rubbish is that! what nonsense!" after wailing I eventually went to bed and just prayed that he was ok.

Omo, morning of wedding day, everyone was in church, I was even ready to go in, father holding me in hand and groom had not yet arrived! grooms men nowhere to be found! "I said it, I said it, when I say no Bach Eve its as if I'm controlling, see now!" I started crying buckets that my dad had to help dab away the tears so it didn't spoil my make up. After waiting for a while I just had to be walked in as the priest said it was getting late. 5 minutes after I walked down the aisle, as the mass was about to start, groomsmen rushed in with my husband behind them. They walked briskly to take their seats and he hurriedly walked to stand beside me. He knew he was in big trouble not just from me but from almost everyone there and to top it all up he was reeking of alcohol! I just started crying again, I quietly told him I wasn't going to marry him in that state that he should go and cleanse himself before joining to me, he quietly begged me to forgive him that he was set up by his friends. The church was so quiet that it was possible the congregation could tell I was about to leave, what saved my fiance was that the priest started the mass and chipped in some things about responsibility and forgiveness in the homily, mehn, easier said than done!

The reception was very nice and a lot of fun. I didn't talk to any of the groomsmen especially the best man, he tried to apologise a couple of times but I just turned my head and formed talking to someone, see me feeling guilty for doing Hen Night whereas this was much worse. Throughout the reception my husband was just begging me explaining that his friends hijacked him. He even felt more remorse when some guests came and said "don't suffer this girl in marriage o" or "what you did was wrong o" or "Bride entering before groom is abomination o". I was quite irritated by the comments but also happy they shared my pain, I also felt bad for him because I saw he was truly sorry. People make mistakes and deserve a second chance especially those you love so  I finally forgave him and after the wedding he made it up to me in a million ways and others I cant discuss here (lol).

We're living happily ever after and I'm so happy I chose him,

I wasn't that much of a bridezilla, was I?

Friday 13 March 2015

Memoirs of bridezilla: The Servant Bride

Hmm... of all the people in the world I was certain I would not be a bridezilla, not in a million years because I don't like trouble. I'd rather leave you to do whatever you want than cause an argument or a debate, its just so much wahala!

That was my mind frame o, till they showed me pepper and I realised I had a Banshee inside me!

My proposal was really sweet; it was nothing special as we didn't travel to any expensive location or have a party, it was just a lovely sunny day by the beach. we walked hand in hand sinking our feet into the sand of the washed up shore, a few poetic words were said and an "I do" was very much in place.
Our parents were more than happy to hear we were finally getting married as we dated for quite a while (8 years). My aunties (of course) always used to say that I was not getting any younger and my friends often made me feel like he was holding me down, "dump him jare, no time" or "he's playing with you o! he'll soon go and marry one small girl". I was under so much pressure at one time that I almost gave in but later realized that God's time is the best and He did it for me.

Preparations took off immediately and the date was set for 6 months after the proposal (sharp sharp). It was as if my mother had been fantasizing about it for years because she was already 2 steps ahead with venue, decor, catering etc. I didn't mind for a while but when I saw she wanted to book Shina Peters and Daddy Showkey I was like "nah mehn, lets save that money biko". I then had to step in with my demands on the colours I wanted, the cake, my wedding dress and other things.

I had these group of friends that were my girls since Uni, they were my sisters and confidants and I usually didn't make a big decision without checking with them first. Everything I did somewhat evolved around their approval and I was very happy they endorsed my relationship when it started. Obviously all 6 of them were chosen to be my bridesmaids but my close cousin was maid of honour to avoid fight. I dont know if I expected too much but when I told these friends of mine I was getting married their responses were quite cold, "ehen... congrats... " he actually did? congrats". I dont know but what do you think? I guess I just wished there was a bit more enthusiasm in the replies. Even for wedding preparation they were barely supportive, it was only one of them who called  once or twice and even when I asked if she could help with something she said she was busy with work. Anyhow, I tried to ignore their funny behaviour and continued on my own.
My mum was on a roll! she sorted every single thing from cake to DJ to MC, Alaga, photography, videography gbo gbo e, it was as if she had all of them on speed dial from the moment I introduced her to my hubby! everyday she would go and meet up with one vendor or the other, negotiate and place down payment. Before I used to think that she was overexcited and rushing things because he was from a wealthy family but I remembered that I was the first marriage in the family and the only girl. At first I enjoyed the luxury of a mum wedding planner but after a while she became a bit controlling, saying things like "this dress is not nice jo, choose the one that is full like a ball gown"(and she knew I wanted something A-line) or " ah! mba! aso ebi is good, it will make the place colourful and your friends will want to buy" (after I had said I did not want aso ebi but just a general colour) "ehn, say wetin? general colour ke? Aso ebi jare, different colours!" after a while I just started keeping quiet, I guess it wasn't such a big deal for me to argue.

3 weeks to the wedding and I was far from excited. The only people who seemed supportive were my control mum, my cousins and a few good friends but they were not the ones I really wanted to support me, where were my "big 6"? my real paddies? nowhere to be found! I started thinking maybe it was because I did not spend enough time with them but that was even difficult to do as I had to follow my mum everywhere, I then organised a girls night out so we could all meet up but got a text full of excuses, only one of them showed up and I felt really bad, I just hoped it was because they were busy or that they had already planned a bridal shower for me and that was why they didn't show.

1 week to the wedding and no bridal shower, no hen night. A little consolation was the lunch and cinema my cousins took me to and although it meant a lot I was still hurt. To top it up I felt my mum was the bride because I hardly had a say in anything and it was becoming too much and I knew at one point in time I was going to break!

on the day we went for the final fitting of my wedding dress (the ugly one I didn't like) I saw a pretty A-line dress on one of the dummies in the bridal shop, it was so beautiful! I told my mum I really liked the dress but she was like "honey you already have one" I kept quiet. They brought the dress, I tried it on and still did not like it. While mum was talking to the manager I just kept staring at the dress on the mannequin; the beautiful lace detail and the lovely flowing flared bottom. I had always felt this would suit me being a tall person than a ball gown... I broke into tears! I mean is it fair for a bride to be treated like a nobody for her own wedding? her opinions should matter now? mum then said " sweetie did you hear what she said? she's given us a free bridal hair comb!" she broke into my train of thoughts and I didn't know when I said "I don't like this dress" she replied "ehn but its-" "I DON'T WANT THIS DRESS AH AN! I'VE BEEN SAYING IT SINCE! GOSH!!!" there was silence. still pumped with adrenaline I took off the horrid one and went to try the one I had been eyeing all day, it fit like it was made for me! I told my mum that I wont be forced to wear something I didn't want  and even the manager and sales girls had to admit I looked better in the A line. mum did not say a word but showed her approval with a nod  and made the necessary changes in the transaction, I was so happy and felt joy for the first time in a very long while. I later apologized for yelling and explained to her how I really felt about many things, she felt bad and tried to make amends with the few days left, I was touched by her efforts and hugged her many times because I knew she was just trying to help and for that I was truly grateful.
The traditional wedding day was very successful and alas my big 6 finally turned up and showed some support by dancing with me when needed. I was so overjoyed that I forgave them for not planning a bridal shower and I had a little energy after the ceremony so I considered a hen night. After freshening up I went to meet them and saw they were looking gloomy and dull. I asked if they were ok and even offered to bring food and drinks in case they didn't get anything to eat. I went to get drinks and some food, even when I returned they were still seated looking (possibly eyeing me), I even asked what was wrong and they barely answered, that was when I had had it, I banged the tray on the table and exploded! " WHAT THE F*** IS ALL THIS! WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS ARE YOU? OVER THE YEARS I'VE SERVED YOU, I'VE SUPPORTED YOU THROUGH THICK AND THIN AND THIS IS WHAT I GET ON MY OWN WEDDING?? I ranted and screamed, cried and yelled so loud that everyone in the house knew I was talking to wicked ungrateful girls. after a while the parlor was filled with amebos and they all felt embarrassed, I was so pissed I just concluded with " GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! DON'T COME FOR MY WEDDING!" I damned the consequences, I told myself I would rather have no bridesmaids than jealous, envious ones. what else would have caused such a behaviour? and to confirm it my cousin later told me that she overheard them gossiping about me saying that they couldn't believe I was getting married before them as they thought I was the least attractive in the group. One even said that as fine as she was my fiance picked me instead of her, I cried ehn, can you imagine having such toxic girls around you for years and not even realizing it?

 3 of them called to apologize the night before the white wedding and begged to be put back on the train so I forgave them. Out of the other 3, one sent me a nasty text while the other 2 texted me a few days after the wedding but I didn't see it till after my marvelous 1 month honeymoon! quite frankly I didn't care what they had to say, I enjoyed the white wedding too much to care. it was a beautiful day! my mum did very well with everything she organised and I even thought to myself that maybe it was even good she controlled everything (except my dress sha). I didn't get many gifts (I'm sure it was because of  the overpriced aso ebi) but it was a nice, jovial crowd.

Most importantly I'm married to my other half and I can never have felt better!

so... yeah!