Spare the Rod and love the Wife

Chiamaka is the envy of all her friends and colleagues. She lives in one of the best places in Lagos. She has a very handsome husband and five beautiful children. She is also blessed with beauty, brains and everything in between. There is a saying that goes like this “money cannot buy happiness but it is better to cry in a BMW than a bicycle” in chiamaka’s case she would rather have the bicycle!

She receives a slap each time the food is not ready on time or if it is not tasty. She is ridiculed every now and then about her millions of naira paying job and even asked to quit a couple of times. No one knows this is what she goes through because she never tells anyone and so the world sees chiamaka as a beautiful successful woman with a husband to die for!

There are many similar stories like this today and most of them go untreated. This is mostly because we are in a patriarchal society where the men are always right! Domestic violence has wounded the hearts of many and broken many homes.  Although some women pluck up the courage to leave, some are too “involved” to do so.

Domestic violence does not only affect women, it also affects husbands and children but in most cases the wives feel the most impact. The case of this “silent” threat to society can be seen in a number of ways. First of all men are more prone to aggression than women, because of this male children can easily learn aggression from their fathers through observation, what the father tells them about women is what they will learn. Some men believe that women should be submissive hence the beating and even in some cases women are likened to possessions. Coupled with frustration at work, a man can decide to act this out on his wife or children, usually the one closer to him- the wife. At first it is a mistake then it becomes an inevitable mistake and you hear stories like” it just happens”. A man who lacks self control is not likely to run a healthy home, it is generally believed that if a man beats his wife she has every right to leave  but most of these women do not because they have accepted their “fate”, such a sad fate indeed.

This not only causes physical damage but also emotional devastation. It leads many women to depression, alcohol use and even suicide. It is not only kicks and punches, sexual violence and verbal abuse are also as terrible if not worse. Most times the children are also affected because they hear mummy screaming and crying or they see daddy hit mummy. When a male child sees this ( especially at a tender age) he can learn this aggressive behaviour and develop with a mentality that  that it’s okay to hit women and so man begins to harbour “animals”  who keep their wives or girlfriends  on check with a kick, slap or insulting word.

I know some guys might feel offended, they might feel they are always seen as “the bad guys” when it comes to matters of women but no matter how much a woman upsets a man he has no right to hit her!

I suggest women who live in such homes to seek help and counselling immediately (a simple dialogue will do if a man wants to correct his wife) and if any woman is in an abusive relationship, I suggest she ends it while she can to prevent long lasting sorrow!  Such aggression is transferable and can slowly give birth to an aggressive society. If you are a man with a bad or quick temper you can get help! that is the sacrifice one must make to build a happy home. So please do spare the rod and love the wife!